Let Me Be the One
by radiance x
Summary: A rollercoaster ride of friendship, love, finding yourself, receiving help and helping others. [JimmyEllie] [MannyJTLiberty] Finished
1. The Spring Fling

> **Let Me Be the One**  
  
**Summary-**Two unexpected Degrassi students find comfort in each others arms. Meanwhile, one grade nine student is trying to sort his feelings for two Degrassi girls.  
  
**Disclaimer-**Obviously, I own nothing at all. Don't own the title either. It's a song that belongs to Mandy Moore. I figured the title will fit, so there it is.  
  
**Author's Note-** Another fic by me. I know, I never continue my fics, but I PROMISE I'm trying to change. Just bear with me, people! I actually have a completely planned out idea. I'll most likely be updating this story and "Me and My Big Secret" the most. This chapter might be a little slow, but it will pick up soon.  
  
**Chapter One-** The Spring Fling  
  
"I love spring," Paige Michalchuk sighed, as she grabbed her boyfriend, Spinner Mason's hand, and walked up the stairs of Degrassi Community School.  
  
After a long and crummy winter, the flowers were beginning to blossom and the small clothes were beginning to be worn. Spinner was ecstatic.  
  
The sickeningly cute couple waltzed down the hall, and Paige gave a death glare to somebody who had bumped into her. The figure turned to face Paige and her mouth opened to mumble an "I'm sorry", but then she realized who it was. She shut her mouth.  
  
"Ellie, hon, long time no chat," Paige said, trying be a little friendly, considering the situation Ellie Nash had put herself in a few months back. She had a self-injury problem, and Paige came to her rescue. Ellie had gotten the help she needed, but had ignored her since.  
  
"Whatever," she said softly.  
  
Paige told Spinner she'd talk to him later, gave him a kiss, and then dragged Ellie over to her locker.  
  
"What are you doing, Paige? You don't want to be seen with a socially inept vampire like me, do you?" Ellie asked sarcastically.  
  
Paige ignored her.  
  
"How are you doing? You're not still cutting are you? Can I see your arms? Please?" She shot all of these questions at Ellie, for once actually caring.  
  
"I'm fine. Just leave me alone, I'm going to be late," she mumbled in response.  
  
"Let me see your arm," Paige demanded, reaching for her arm-warmer covered wrist.  
  
Ellie quickly pulled her arm away. "Why now, Paige?" she asked.  
  
She stared at her, confused. "What?"  
  
"Why now? Why not four months ago? Why start all of this again, now?" Ellie snapped.  
  
Paige was getting upset. Her nose flared and her hand found its way on her hip. "Let me see your arm. Right. Now."  
  
Ellie gave Paige a long stare. "No," she said firmly, and walked off.  
  
-------------  
  
It's none of her damn business. It's never been her business. Why can't she just leave me the hell alone like she has been for the past few months? Like she has been since I met her.  
  
Ellie thought about this as she headed to her homeroom.  
  
If she would have just left me alone, I could have handled everything myself. WHY does she feel the need to interfere? WHY does she care about me? I despise her and she despises me. End of story. I am fine.  
  
She knew she wasn't fine, though, but she wasn't going admit it. What would happen if Paige found out that she hadn't kicked the cutting habit? It was an addiction, and Ellie knew it was unhealthy, but it just felt.........good. It released her pain. It wasn't like anyone was there for her. It wasn't like anybody understood.  
  
Ellie walked into her homeroom and Media Immersion class, and took her seat. After plopping her books on the floor, she glumly rested her head on her hand.  
  
Only moments later Paige entered the room with her best friend, Hazel Aden, at her side. They were giggling and laughing and Paige made no eye contact with Ellie. She was invisible to her once again. Once they sat down, Spinner and Jimmy Brooks were surrounding them. Ellie had always wondered what it would be like to be 'one of them'. Popular and able to get whatever they so desired.  
  
Then Ellie remembered the dreadful day she had had to spend with them at the beach. Marco Del Rossi, her so-called best friend, had invited her along with Paige and Posse. She wasn't sure what made her say yes, but she did, and she spent the entire afternoon isolated from their jokes and laughter. Sure, it may have partly been her fault: she didn't want to be buddy, buddy chummy with the 'cool' kids, so she moped. She knew it was mistake once Paige made the comment, "Ellie, hon, I didn't know vampires went out in the sun," or something along those lines.  
  
She had survived though, just like she had survived every other obstacle thrown at her. Marco discovering he was gay, Paige finding out about her cutting problem, and her dad going away to Kabul. It was a miracle to her, especially since she was about ready to give up.  
  
Suddenly, a loud slamming of books to a desk, snapped her out of her daydreaming.  
  
"Hey, El," her friend, Ashley Kerwin greeted.  
  
Ellie just smiled her hello. She and Ashley hadn't talked in what seemed like forever. She was still recovering from a broken heart, caused by the one-and-only Craig Manning. Ellie had assumed they were soul mates, if there was such a thing. They appeared to be joined at the hip, but people are deceiving, and Ellie knew that.  
  
"What's up?" Ashley asked.  
  
Ellie shook her head and straightened up. "Nothing. How are you?"  
  
Ashley sighed. "I'm great. You don't seem to be, though. Care to share?"  
  
"Nope. It's nothing important," Ellie replied, although it was important. She just couldn't blurt it out to Ashley, or anyone for that matter. The emotional pain she felt was excruciating. Ashley would not understand.  
  
The bell rang and the announcements were broadcasted.  
  
Ellie tuned out once she heard the word "dance". Great. The Degrassi "Spring Fling" was going to be held three weeks from now. She never understood why they would even bring up the topic of a dance when it was still a ways away. She just silently sighed. Dances were overrated. Why even bother?  
  
Ellie had preferred the comfort of her own shadow over being around other people. She wasn't a complete outcast. She did her thing and just made friends along the way. She was thankful for Marco and Ashley, but being alone was how it had always been and now her friends were fading. Ashley was wrapped up in her own life and Marco seemed to be enjoying the presence of the popular crowd.  
  
This is why Ellie didn't mind sitting by herself at lunch that day. Ashley had an environmental meeting with grade nine Emma Nelson, and Marco was off meeting Dylan Michalchuk, Paige's brother. Unfortunate for her, Paige and Posse sat within hearing distance. Every so often, she swore she saw them glancing at her, as if to say "what kind of a loser sits by herself at lunch?! Oh that's right. Ellie Nash." She got tired of the staring, so she grabbed her soda and bag and headed out of the lunchroom and into the washroom.  
  
Momentarily, Paige came through the door. Ellie had propped herself up on the sink by then.  
  
"Hey, Paige," she said, faking a smile. "What brings you here?"  
  
"You," she replied. "Ellie, I'm dead serious. Let me see your arm."  
  
"You aren't going to let this go, are you?" Ellie asked.  
  
"Not until you show me your arm and prove to me you haven't been.........you know, doing what you're doing to yourself. Hurting yourself," Paige said.  
  
"I don't need to show you anything. You are not my counselor!" Ellie snapped.  
  
"Maybe not, but right now you need help!"  
  
"I don't need anything from you," Ellie barked, slid off the sink, and marched out of the washroom.  
  
Author's Note- So, what do you think? I know it's kinda.........blah right now, so you don't have to say that, but I promise it will get better, unless you like this chapter, then-THANK YOU! Hehe. Give me some feedback, please?


	2. Surprises, Surprises

Disclaimer- I own nothing.  
  
Chapter Two-Surprises, Surprises  
  
She walked toward him elegantly; her smile widening and her long, silky hair flowing behind her. To JT Yorke, she was perfect.  
  
Never in a million years would he have thought he would've developed the biggest crush on Manny Santos, one of his best friends. Why did she have to be so hot? He asked that same question over and over again to himself. Too afraid to ask her out, for fear of rejection, he had spent many months admiring from afar. He thought that maybe he'd have a chance after she and Craig split, but she hardly thought of him as more than a friend. Guys were all over her within days of hearing about her little fiasco with Craig. This left poor JT a little hurt and confused.  
  
"Just ask her out, already," his best friend, had Toby Isaacs said. They had had a rocky friendship once JT started hanging out with Paige and her friends. Toby had felt that he was losing his best friend, although JT didn't realize his hurtful ways. Luckily, the two had patched things up, and though JT still liked kickin' it with the "cool" kids, he and Toby still hung out.  
  
Manny's soft and tender voice interrupted his thoughts. He didn't mind though.  
  
"Hey, JT," she greeted.  
  
"Uh, hi, Manny," he stammered.  
  
"So, you heard about the dance, right?" she asked.  
  
Of course he did. Wait, he thought, is she going to ask me? Yes! That's it. She's going to ask me!  
  
JT nodded casually.  
  
"Are you going?" she questioned.  
  
"Not sure," he replied. "And you?"  
  
She sighed, and turned her head. JT followed her gaze. Craig Manning. Seeing Manny stare at him made JT want to scream.  
  
"Aren't things over between you guys?" JT asked.  
  
She nodded. "Unfortunately. I wish he would just APOLOGIZE at least. I wish I could be with him again."  
  
He didn't say anything.  
  
Two guys passed them, checking out Manny. She gave a flirty, "Heeey" and then told JT she'd talk to him later, and walked off in their direction.  
  
"Someone has a little crush on Miss Manny Santos, eh?" Paige Michalchuk walked up to JT. "You have to do better than that if you want her to notice you, Sweet Potato."  
  
"I don't have a crush on Manny," JT lied.  
  
"Oh please, hon, it's so obvious. You better ask her to the Spring Fling, and quick, because I hear your other," she paused. "DREAM girl might be after you...again." Paige laughed a little, and walked off.  
  
JT groaned. Liberty Van Zandt. Degrassi's resident nerd. She always tried to be the best and most perfect student, and that annoyed everyone. She had sort of blackmailed JT to take her to the end-of-the year dance last year. He had to admit, he had fun, but he would much rather have Manny as a date. He groaned again and made sure to avoid Liberty the rest of the day.  
  
Ellie hadn't seen Paige since the washroom incident, and she was glad. She couldn't handle another Paige Michalchuk lecture and she didn't want her spirits ruined-it was almost the end of the day.  
  
"Hey, El, wait up!" she heard Ashley call, as she was on her way to science, her last class of the day.  
  
Ellie stopped, and then started back up again when her friend caught up.  
  
"Wait for me, I gotta go to my locker," Ashley said, and Ellie nodded.  
  
She watched as her friend quickly twirled the combination and open the locker. What both caught their eye was a red rose and a bright yellow piece of paper that read:  
  
Ash-  
  
Marco's garage. Right after school. Please come. I have a surprise for you.  
  
-Craig  
  
"In Marco's garage?" Ellie asked, surprised.  
  
Ashley crumpled up the piece of paper. "I don't get it."  
  
Ellie sighed. "The guy is in love with you, Ash. Just go."  
  
"He's not in love with me. Why is he even doing this?" Ashley questioned.  
  
"He's in love with you, Ashley. Have you not seen the looks he's been giving you since it's been over?"  
  
"What are you talking about, El?" Ashley demanded.  
  
"Nothing. Never mind." She began walking towards Ms. Hatzilakos' science class, but was stopped when Ashley reached out and grabbed her arm.  
  
"What do you know?"  
  
Ellie sighed. "Just go, alright. Trust me."  
  
She wasn't going to spill what she knew to Ashley, even if she was the closest she had to a best friend. The truth was, she knew Craig was planning something for Ash. She had heard him talking to Spinner a week ago. They caught her eavesdropping and swore her to secrecy.  
  
"I'll go with you if you want," Ellie laughed. She really did want to know exactly what they were planning. She already figured it was going to have to do with another song. Where did their band practice? Marco's garage. It better be good, Ellie thought. Because the last time he wrote a song for her, he began screwing around with Manny Santos.  
  
Ashley finally gave in. She said she would go if Ellie went with her.  
  
Turns out they were late to science. Hatzilakos threatened to give them a detention if they were late again. They both took their seats and listened as she continued the lesson.  
  
Ellie could tell Ashley was counting down the seconds on the clock. Every-so-often she'd look from the clock and then back to Ms. Hatzilakos.  
  
And finally, just as she was giving out the homework, the announcements began. Soon enough, the students filed out of the classroom and to their lockers.  
  
Ellie and Ashley walked to Marco's house, Ashley jabbering away at what the surprise could be.  
  
"Why don't you just wait?" Ellie suggested.  
  
Ashley dismissed her idea and talked their way there. They turned into Marco's driveway and were shocked at what they saw.  
  
The entire garage was dimly lit, a huge poster with the word "Memories" at the top contained what seemed like thousands of pictures, song lyrics, and written memories of when Craig and Ashley were together. Roses, like the one he had left in her locker, outlined the practically empty garage. The words 'I'm sorry, Ash. I miss you', were written on a poster and taped to the ground. Suddenly, music filled the small garage:  
  
"I will be the answer at the end of the line  
  
I will be there for you while you take the time  
  
In the burning of uncertainty I will be your solid ground  
  
I will hold the balance if you can't look down  
  
If it takes my whole life I won't break I won't bend  
  
It'll all be worth it  
  
Worth it in the end  
  
'Cause I can only tell you what I know  
  
That I need you in my life  
  
When the stars have all gone out  
  
You'll be burning so bright  
  
Cast me gently into morning  
  
For the night has been unkind  
  
Take me to a place so holy  
  
That I can wash this from my mind  
  
The memory of choosing not to fight..."  
  
Ellie rolled her eyes, but a smile did escape her lips. She glanced over at Ashley. Tears were forming in her eyes.  
  
Author's Note- Like it? Tell me what you think! Thanks for all the reviews!! ^__^ They make me happy. For those of you that don't know, those lyrics are by Sarah McLachlan. It's the song "answer" on her CD "afterglow". I thought it fit. Anyways, yeah I know this chapter focused more on Ashley than Ellie. It was supposed to...that's all I'm saying. Next chapter should be up soon! 


	3. Left Over Feelings

Chapter Three-Left Over Feelings  
  
The music faded out and Craig appeared.  
  
"Craig, I don't know what to sa-" Ashley began, but he cut her off.  
  
"Don't say anything," he said. And then Marco, Spinner, and Jimmy came out and began playing a 'rock love song', you could say. Craig grabbed his guitar. And he sang. Ellie could tell how much emotion and how much time he put into the song. It pained her heart just listening. She could see Ashley about ready to cry.  
  
Soon, the song was over and Craig walked over to Ashley. He wiped a tear from her face and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. Ellie shook her head, though she knew the idea was sweet. Marco had a huge smile across his face, while Spinner waved a hand in disgust and signaled to them to go inside. Ellie followed them, when she noticed Jimmy still standing there, his face completely emotionless. Ellie stopped and glanced from Craig and Ashley to Jimmy. Then she got it.  
  
Jimmy still liked Ashley.  
  
She felt like saying something, but she quietly followed Spinner and Marco into Marco's kitchen. As soon as they got in their, Spinner began going through the pantry and refrigerator.  
  
"Dude, you got any spray cheese?" he asked Marco.  
  
Marco shook his head. "We don't stock up on it like you do, buddy."  
  
Ellie ignored them all and went to the fridge. She'd been at the Del Rossi's plenty of times. She was practically the second child. As she grabbed a soda, Jimmy came inside.  
  
"Where were you?" Spinner asked.  
  
"Nowhere," was Jimmy's reply.  
  
Spinner shrugged and began searching for food.  
  
"So what's up with the lovebirds?" Marco asked.  
  
"They left," Jimmy said briefly. Great, Ellie thought sarcastically.  
  
"Who cares, dude," Spinner said. "Let's watch some TV. I GOT REMOTE!" he yelled, and ran over to the living room, jumping over the couch. The other guys soon joined him.  
  
Ellie sighed. How did she get stuck here again?  
  
She grabbed her Coke and said to everyone, "I'm leaving. Bye."  
  
"El, just stay and hang out here," Marco told her.  
  
"No, that's okay," Ellie replied.  
  
"Come on," he urged, smiling at her. "You can stay for dinner, too. Mom's making the lasagna I know you love."  
  
"Lasagna? Well, I guess I could stay," Ellie said, and plopped down on the couch between Spinner and Jimmy.  
  
"Don't you have a... Goth meeting or something?" Spinner asked, rudely.  
  
"Only on Saturday's, moron," Ellie said sarcastically. She kicked her feet up on the table, and took a sip of her soda, as he flipped through the channels. About five minutes later, Jimmy got up from the couch and left the living room, disappearing into the hallway.  
  
"What's his problem?" Spinner asked.  
  
Ellie rolled her eyes. She couldn't stand Spinner. "You are so dense. Marco, I'm going to take a rain check on that dinner invite. I'm going home. See ya."  
  
"You sure, El?" he asked.  
  
She nodded and walked down the hallway, and out the front door. When she got outside she practically tripped over Jimmy.  
  
Damn these boots, she thought.  
  
"Leavin'?" he asked her.  
  
"Yep," she answered, and walked down the stairs. She thought for a quick second and then turned back around. "Look, Jimmy, I know you still have feelings for Ash but-"  
  
He cut her off. "Feelings for Ash?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"What makes you think I still like Ash?" he asked.  
  
"I saw the way you were looking at her and Craig in the garage. I know it's hard-"  
  
She was cut off again. "It's not a big deal."  
  
"It is. It kills you to see them together," she said softly.  
  
"I don't know what she sees in him," he muttered, not looking at Ellie. "He cheated on her and now after a song and some roses, she's going to forgive him?"  
  
"Stupid, I know," Ellie agreed. "But that's the way to Ashley's heart. She's a hopeless romantic who wants to be swept off her feet with diamonds and roses and all that romantic stuff."  
  
"That's what every girl wants, eh?" he said.  
  
"Pretty much," Ellie laughed. "Anyways, I should be going."  
  
"Bye," he said, as she turned around and began her walk home.  
  
When she got home, she headed for her room. She knew her mother was in her own bedroom most likely doing what she did best--drinking. Luckily, there had been days where she had been sober and had done things around the house. Her aunt and uncle from the states had come by for Christmas, and her mother seemed...happy. More happy than she had been in a while. Unfortunately, they had to leave, and she began drinking again.  
  
Ellie's dad was still in Kabul. He was only supposed to be there a few months, so hopefully she could have her father home again. He kept the family together. Ellie tried to keep her mind off of those topics, though. She went to her desk and turned on her brand new laptop that she'd received from her aunt and uncle.  
  
She signed on to her instant messenger, but put and away message up to check her e-mail. Not that she'd get many messages anyways.  
  
She had two e-mails. One being a stupid chain email from Paige (that's the only reason she ever emailed Ellie) and the other from Ashley.  
  
To: NOLabels  
From: pictureperfect  
  
El-  
Sooo sorry I never came back to Marco's. Craig and I went to talk about things. He said he loves me, but I don't know if he means it. He said he hasn't seen Manny since the day things blew over. He says he wants to be with me and that him and Manny were just a fling...nothing serious. Ahhh, I'm so confused. What should I do?!?  
  
Xo, -Ash  
  
PS: Wasn't what he did the SWEETEST thing ever?  
  
Ellie almost gagged reading this e-mail. She sounded exactly like PAIGE. What love does to people, she thought. She quickly typed up a response.  
  
Re: To: pictureperfect  
From: NOLabels  
  
Ash, chill out. I'm not going to tell you what to do. You're in the relationship, not me. Just do whatever you think is best. Just remember whom you might hurt in the process.  
  
-Ellie  
  
She wrote the reply with Jimmy in mind. She had never had a conversation with him before. All she remembered about him was his constant begging for a date with her last year. But that was before everyone knew who she was. She felt bad for him, considering his and Ashley's history together, but thought that maybe he was just holding on to the past, and just needed to let go. Ashley had become a more independent person since she's known her. She still remembered first seeing her. Begging Paige to accept her back into their clique, to make everything all right again. She'd gone through many stages. Her popular stage, her outcast stage, and now she seems to have found herself. Not begging for acceptance, not popular, not an outcast, but a normal teenager.  
  
She didn't like getting involved in other's problems, so she decided to put it off. She pulled out her books and began her homework. Her attention turned to a pair of scissors she hadn't noticed before, lying on her desk. She took a deep breath, reached over and grabbed the scissors, and threw them in her backpack.  
  
Author's Note- Thanks for the reviews!! You all are awesome! Next chapter should be up soon.  
  
Swizzbeatz- I'm glad you think I'm a good writer. Thanks for your honesty and opinion...hate's a strong word, though. Anyways, it is a fanfiction and I like Ashley and Craig together and I'd much rather see him with her than Manny. Gag. So if you don't like it, just don't read it. 


	4. Sleepover?

Author's Note- Wow, I didn't think I'd get so many negative reviews. But, hey, you can't please everyone. So, I'm going to ask you this: If you don't like the plot or character pairing I've chosen PLEASE do not read it. It's really discouraging seeing people giving me reviews about how they hate it 3 chapters in because of the pairing I've chosen. Let me also tell you, this is NOT a story about Craig and Ashley. I needed those 2 chapters to be the way they are for later chapters in the story. So if you want to give me constructive criticism about the way I write, I'll gladly listen, but if you don't like the plot just hit that back button. I understand the Craig/Ashley/Manny love triangle is very...controversial, I guess you could say, but this is the way I'd like it. I DO respect your opinions, so respect mine, all right? This IS a FANFICTION after all. Oh, and thank you to all of the people who are enjoying this so far! Now, onward!  
  
Nine simple words, JT thought to himself, only NINE simple words. He cursed himself for not having the guts to ask her to the dance and for having these thoughts consume his mind every second of the day.  
  
Manny, will you go to the dance with me? That's it. That's all he had to say. He tried to tell himself this, as he walked to school. Once he arrived, he searched the halls for Manny, and eventually found her near a locker, talking to a guy that he recognized to be in grade eleven. JT watched as the guy winked at Manny and then walk off. Something told him that maybe he shouldn't ask her after all. So, he pretended to be preoccupied in his locker.  
  
"JT! Hey!" he heard Manny's sexy sweet voice call. Before he knew it, she was headed toward him.  
  
It was now or never.  
  
"Manny...hey...uh, I have something to ask you..." he stuttered.  
  
She made a face as if to say, "Okay, spit it out."  
  
"Manny, will you go to the dance with me?" he blurted it out very fast, and immediately regretted it. She's going to say no, he thought cynically.  
  
JT didn't notice, but at the same moment Craig and Ashley walked past them, in what looked like a deep conversation.  
  
"Um, I'd love to!" Manny replied.  
  
A huge smile broke out across JT's face and he released the breath of air he had been holding.  
  
"Great," he said.  
  
"Great," she repeated. "Look, JT, I got to go. I'll see ya later though, okay?"  
  
He nodded, still in shock.  
  
-------  
  
"Co-ed sleepover?" Ellie asked Ashley in homeroom.  
  
"It was Paige's idea," Ashley explained briefly. "So, are you coming?"  
  
Ellie laughed. She'd rather burn in hell. "Um, no, that's okay."  
  
"Come on, El!" she whined. "Lighten up, have some fun."  
  
"Fun? At a co-ed sleepover with them?"  
  
"I'll be there. So will Marco and Craig," Ashley said.  
  
"Yeah, like I said, them," she remarked.  
  
There was no way Ellie would go to a co-ed sleepover just to be poked fun at. As far as she knew Paige, Hazel, Jimmy, Spinner, Marco, Ash, Terri, and Craig would be there. Uh, no thanks.  
  
"Bad mood, hon?" Ellie heard Paige's voice as she walked over to them.  
  
"Leave me alone, Paige."  
  
"Ellie's not coming to the sleepover," Ashley told her.  
  
"El, hon, you can't be like this forever. God, like, chill out and have some fun once in a while," she said, as Ellie rolled her eyes.  
  
"She doesn't know how to do that," Spinner retorted, joining Paige.  
  
Ellie was getting upset. "You think I don't know how to have fun?"  
  
They nodded.  
  
"I do, actually. But my idea of fun isn't hanging out with a bunch of shallow people like you," she remarked.  
  
"Ookay," Spinner said.  
  
"Jealous much?" Paige added, slipping her hand into Spinner's. They both walked off.  
  
"I can't believe you, El! You really do need to chill out," Ashley said.  
  
------  
  
"Why aren't you coming? It will be so much fun," Marco said to Ellie in the hallway.  
  
"Not for me. Sorry."  
  
"Ellie, let me make a deal with you. Just come by for a while. If you hate it after a half an hour, you can leave," Marco suggested.  
  
"Marco-"  
  
He cut her off.  
  
"Please. For me?"  
  
She couldn't help but give in.  
  
"Half an hour. That's it. But I swear if they start playing Spin the Bottle, I'm out."  
  
Marco smiled and ran off to tell the rest of them.  
  
She sighed and went to her locker. When she got there Paige was leaning against it, gabbing away with Hazel. She stood there, her arms crossed, just looking at them.  
  
"Do you mind?" she asked monotonously.  
  
Paige smiled, but she could tell it was fake. "Sorry, hon. Wouldn't want to get in your way."  
  
Hazel left and Paige started to walk away, but stopped and turned around once Ellie started spinning the combination.  
  
"How's your arm?" she asked quickly.  
  
"Go away, Paige," Ellie said.  
  
"I'm serious. Are you still cutting?" she demanded quietly.  
  
"Oh, right, NOW you care. I don't get you. You act like I'm such a big loser when everyone's around, but then when it's just me you care SO much."  
  
Paige pursed her lips. "That's not true," she mumbled faintly. It was as if she was trying to convince her self.  
  
"Oh that's right. You don't care at all. You're just doing your little good girl deed for the day. Well, guess what? I'm sick of it. Just leave me alone," Ellie snapped.  
  
"Ellie," she said, her voice almost pleading. "Don't be like that. Come to the sleepover tonight, okay? My house. I'll talk to you then. I have to go."  
  
She walked off, and Ellie banged her head against her locker.  
  
Author's Note: Bad chapter, sorry everyone. It was a filler chapter I guess. Well, I promise 5 will be out soon. Things should be picking up then. I promise. Review please! OoOo and I made a mistake in the last chapters. I said Marco's garage when they said on U Got the Look it was his basement. Oh well, minor mistake. ^__^ 


	5. Good Talks

Author's Note- Thanks for the reviews!  
  
Chapter Five-Good Talks  
  
Ellie took out her book, threw herself in one of the fancy chairs in Paige's house, and began reading. She didn't belong here. Paige and Spinner were snuggled up on the floor watching TV, Ashley and Craig were curled up under a blanket, while Jimmy shot jealous looks at the two, Marco and Dylan were getting food and drinks from the kitchen, Hazel and Terri were doing each others nails.  
  
"Well, this sure is fun," Ellie mumbled under her breath, as Paige and Spinner innocently swapped saliva with one another.  
  
"You CAN leave, hon," Paige said.  
  
Rolling her eyes, Ellie turned the page in her book.  
  
"Paige, I cannot believe your parents actually agreed to a co-ed sleepover," Terri said.  
  
"Please, my mom was totally cool with it. It just took some thinking and strategizing," she replied.  
  
"You did good," Craig joked, smiling at Ashley.  
  
By the time it got dark, a few of them had already engaged themselves in a game of Truth Or Dare. Ellie watched, laughing as they made total asses of themselves. They saw a car pulling up into somebody's driveway and that's when they dared Spinner to strip down and go outside and sing the Nation Anthem to the poor unsuspecting neighbors. They began to crack up when they heard the neighbors shout, "what is your problem, young man?"  
  
Ellie cracked a smile because of their complete idiocy.  
  
Getting up, she mumbled a, "be right back," and walked into the kitchen. Marco and Dylan were still there, in what looked like a serious, but flirty, conversation.  
  
"Pretend I'm not even here," Ellie said, and grabbed a glass from the cupboard.  
  
"Hey, El, what's up?" Marco said.  
  
"Oh, you know the usual. A great game of Truth or Dare and some sparkly pink nail polish," Ellie joked.  
  
"Sounds fun."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "As if," she mocked in a high-pitched, snobby voice. "What are you two up to?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows in a suggestive way.  
  
Dylan laughed. "Not what you're thinking, I'm sure."  
  
"Mmhmm. That's what you say now," she teased, and looked in the fridge for a coke.  
  
She noticed Dylan smile at Marco, and still couldn't help but feel a slight pang of jealousy. She remembered her crush on him, and how happy she was when he asked her out. When he told her that he was gay, she remembered her heart being smashed into millions of pieces. She wanted him, but he didn't...couldn't want her. Now, although she envied what Dylan had, she was happy for him. She had always known he would make it. After all, he did deserve a good guy like Dylan.  
  
Ellie poured the coke into the glass, and as she walked over to throw the can away, she heard someone burst through the swinging kitchen door.  
  
"Hey, Jimmy," Marco greeted.  
  
She heard him replying with a "hey" and then he walked over to the pantry, digging for food. He grabbed a bag of chips and then headed for the fridge.  
  
"Hey, Jimmy, want to get me some ice?" Ellie asked.  
  
"Sure," he responded, opening the freezer and plopping a handful of ice in her glass.  
  
"Gracias, Senor," she said.  
  
"De nada, Senorita," he joked back.  
  
She looked at him, smiling, and then shook her head.  
  
"So, what's going on out there?" she asked.  
  
"Uh, they're about to watch another movie," Jimmy replied.  
  
"Great," she mumbled sarcastically. She had made it a few hours, but the whole night? She doubted she'd be able to stay here without escaping.  
  
"I can see why you two stayed in here the whole time," Jimmy said, referring to Dylan and Marco.  
  
"Smart ones, aren't they?" Ellie agreed, and took a sip of her coke.  
  
She noticed Marco giving her an odd look. When she finally met his gaze, he winked and slightly nodded in Jimmy's direction. She realized what he was implying, and she made a face at him. He shrugged, and went back to talking to Dylan. About two seconds later, Ellie could tell they were talking with their eyes, because Dylan said after a minute, "Hey, why don't you all come upstairs with me? I want to show you something."  
  
Ellie reluctantly agreed. The four walked out of the kitchen, and saw the rest of them spread out on the floor. Ash was cuddled up with Craig, Spinner and Paige lied on their stomachs, his arm around her, Hazel was half asleep and Terri was cuddled on the couch, absorbed in the movie.  
  
Nobody asked what they were doing as they headed up the stairs. They all followed Dylan into a room that Ellie guessed was the guest room.  
  
"Okay...what did you want to show us?" Jimmy asked.  
  
"Oh, right. Well, I have to go into my room to get it. Marco, come with me. We'll be right back," Dylan said, closing the door behind them. Ellie could hear them laughing. They were trying to hook her up...with Jimmy.  
  
"Okay," Jimmy laughed slightly. "That was..."  
  
"Awkward?" Ellie volunteered.  
  
He nodded. "Exactly."  
  
"I guess it's better than being downstairs with them," she said, and then realized that Jimmy WAS one of them. Smooth sailing, she thought to herself.  
  
He gave her a half-smile. "Why are you so against everyone?" he asked her.  
  
"No. I'm not against everyone. Only conformists with no brains or thoughts of their own," Ellie told him.  
  
"And you aren't a conformist? I bet you aren't the only person in the world who mixes black and pink and wears dark makeup," he shot back.  
  
Ouch.  
  
"Maybe not, but I'm a free thinker. All of you are possessed by the thoughts of others."  
  
"Now you're stereotyping," he said simply.  
  
She felt a surge of anger run through her. He could tell.  
  
"What? I'm just saying..."  
  
She sighed. "I know, I know."  
  
"Can I ask you another question?"  
  
"Sure, why not?" she mumbled unenthusiastically.  
  
"Why DO you wear all black?" he asked her.  
  
She shrugged. "It's me, I guess. I'd rather dress like this than like Paige. I don't want people thinking there's no more to than my outer appearance. Besides, black goes both ways. It can be haunting, dark or...not."  
  
He nodded.  
  
Ellie threw herself on the guest bed and they continued their talking until they heard a banging on the door, two hours later. 


	6. Forming A Bond

Author's Note-Thanks for the reviews everyone. This chapter is just about Ellie and Jimmy forming an understand for one another...eh, you'll see.  
  
Chapter Six-  
  
The banging continued until Ellie had gotten a headache.  
  
"Who is it?" she demanded.  
  
The doorknob twisted open and there stood Spinner, his eyes widening when he saw them sitting on the bed.  
  
"Hey, alright, Jimmy!" he cheered, and Ellie threw a pillow at him.  
  
"You're such a moron, Spin," Jimmy said. "Nothing happened."  
  
He rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say."  
  
"What do you want, Gavin?" Ellie asked.  
  
"I was sent up here to see if you two were actually alive," he said. "And apparently you are. Anyways, most of them are already about to go to sleep..."  
  
"What time is it, anyways?" Ellie questioned.  
  
He shrugged. "One? Two? I dunno...I lost track."  
  
"I'm sure you did," Jimmy mumbled.  
  
Spinner laughed sarcastically. "Haha, oh and you're one to talk, having your own private party with Miss Vampire. Watch out, Jimmy, she vants to suck your vlood."  
  
He cracked up and then turned to leave. "Goodnight!"  
  
Ellie sighed. "This night has been full of surprises, hasn't it?"  
  
"You can say that again."  
  
"So..." Ellie began. "What to talk about next?"  
  
"You're not going to sleep?" he asked her.  
  
She shook her head. "I doubt I'll sleep at all. I'm not one for sleeping at other people's houses."  
  
"Then why don't you go home?" he said. "I mean, if you don't want to be here."  
  
She shook her head again. "I think I'd rather be here."  
  
He gave her an odd look. "Something wrong with your family?"  
  
"You could say that, I guess. My dad's in Kabul for a peacekeeping mission. My mom...well, she's sort of fallen apart since he left. She drinks...a lot. I try to avoid home, but I'm usually cooped up in my room, so it doesn't matter," she explained.  
  
"Wow. When is your dad coming back?" he asked.  
  
"I'm not sure. It could be any day now...or it could be for a while. Anyway, what about you?"  
  
"My family? They're hardly around and whenever they are they just shove money in front of my face, as if that makes up for not being around. Usually I spend each night in front of the TV with a box of pizza or I'm..."  
  
"At a friend's house," she finished for him.  
  
He nodded.  
  
She knew how that was. Ever since her dad left, she found herself spending countless evenings at Marco's place. She knew his parents didn't mind, considering she ate the food they cooked and even helped cleaned up, but she still wished she could spend those evenings with her family, the REAL family.  
  
"So, what was your family like before your dad left?" Jimmy asked.  
  
"It was...better. I mean, I can't say it was perfect. My mom had always been kind of strict. If it weren't for my dad, you probably wouldn't be seeing me here right now and in this outfit. She didn't like it when I changed. She tried to turn me into the perfect prep school girl. It wasn't me. So, I rebelled. She freaked out and my dad had to convince her it was okay," she spilled. "Sorry. I'm talking too much."  
  
"No, no, it's okay," he told her.  
  
"Okay. Well, anyway, my dad and I became pretty close after that. He would always take me out. I love being around him. He always knew how to make me smile. That's why it was so hard for me to let go of him. You know, when I found out he had to leave. I even..." she stopped abruptly, realizing how much she was about to reveal.  
  
"You even what?" he asked.  
  
"Nothing. You really don't need to know," she covered quickly.  
  
"It's okay. You can tell me. I won't say anything," he told her.  
  
She sighed deeply. Pulling down her left arm warmer, she exposed her marred skin. Cuts covered her entire arm, from wrist to shoulder.  
  
She glanced at Jimmy. He was speechless.  
  
"Are you going to say something?" she asked him after a few moments.  
  
"You did that to yourself?" he questioned. "Does anyone know?"  
  
She nodded. "Paige knows. She sent me to talk to Ms. Suave, you know the guidance counselor. But that was months ago."  
  
"It doesn't seem to be helping. Ellie, there are fresh cuts on your arm!" he exclaimed.  
  
"It's not that big of a deal. Just...forget I told you."  
  
"No. Why do would you do that?"  
  
She shrugged. "Even I don't know. It just seemed...so right at the time. I've tried. I've tried to stop, but I just can't."  
  
"That makes you feel good? How stupid are you?" his voice started to rise.  
  
"You don't understand-"  
  
"Understand that you've completely lost your mind?" he snapped.  
  
Before Ellie knew it, tears silently poured from her eyes.  
  
"You don't think I regret every scar, every mark on my arm? You don't think I don't wonder what my father would say? I've tried to stop. I want to stop, but I can't. So you have no right to say that to me, when clearly you know nothing about me!" she said, trying not to yell.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said after a while.  
  
"It's okay," she replied, sniffing.  
  
And before she knew it, his arm was around her. It was awkward. Very awkward, yet Ellie felt comfortable being around him. She almost laughed at the thought. The perfect, popular basketball star, sitting here with his arms around the not so social outcast rocker chick. Who knew?  
  
Ellie smiled meekly, her eyelids starting to feel heavy.  
  
"El, you getting tired?" she faintly heard Jimmy ask.  
  
It was only moments later that she fell asleep. 


	7. Silly Fight, Perfect Date

Let Me Be the One  
  
Author's Note- Thank you all so much for the reviews! I don't think I like this chapter too much. Oh well, I'll let you all be the judge! It's kinda short, sorry 'bout that.  
  
Chapter Seven-Silly Fights, Perfect Date  
  
Ellie awoke to the smell of burnt food the next morning. Her eyes popped open, and she suddenly realized she wasn't at home. Crawling out of the bed, she noticed Jimmy lying across the floor, sound asleep.  
  
"Wake up, Sleepy Head," she sung softly, and then hurled her foot into his leg.  
  
She laughed as he made odd noises. He then opened his eyes.  
  
"Where am I?" he asked, still half-asleep. His nose twitched. "And what's that awful smell?"  
  
Ellie grabbed his arm and pulled him up. "It's your body crying for a shower. Come on," she joked, dragging him to the door.  
  
They walked down the stairs and into the kitchen to find Paige, Spinner, Ashley, Craig and Marco coated in puffs of smoke.  
  
"What's going on down here?" Jimmy coughed.  
  
Suddenly, the alarm went off, the sound piercing everyone's ears.  
  
"Make it stop! Make it stop!" Paige whined.  
  
"Isn't this YOUR house?" Ashley snapped.  
  
"Hold on, Honeybee! I'll help you!" Spinner shouted.  
  
After ten minutes and a visit from the fire department, they had finally calmed down.  
  
"Now we know who NOT to allow in the kitchen," Craig joked, looking at Paige.  
  
Her eyes rolled and she barked, "So not funny, hon!"  
  
Ellie figured she had spent too much time here already, so she announced that she was going to get ready to go. She headed up the stairs, noticing that Jimmy had followed her.  
  
"What do you want, Brooks?" she asked.  
  
"Don't leave," he said.  
  
"I have to..." she mumbled, searching rooms for her stuff. She couldn't quite remember where she had put it. "You can come with me, if you'd like. I know it pains you to see Ash and Craig..." she added sympathetically.  
  
The look on his face made Ellie feel bad for even mentioning it.  
  
" Sorry..."  
  
"It's okay," he replied, softly. "It's just that..."  
  
"I know. Ash was your first crush, your first love. You don't get over things like that."  
  
"What do you know about love, Miss Nash?" he joked.  
  
It wasn't very funny to Ellie.  
  
"You don't know everything about me, you know. Just because we shared a little moment doesn't mean that I've told you everything. I know what you're thinking, who would want to date the 'creepy, Goth chick'? I just-"  
  
"Ellie, did I say that? I was joking. You need to stop taking everything so literal-"  
  
This time she cut him off. "It's better than not taking anything seriously at all. You know, it's crazy to think I actually thought we could be friends. Apparently, you're too wrapped up in your own little perfect conformist world. Sorry I don't meet your damn standards," she spat.  
  
"Listen to what you're saying, Ellie! You overreact. I don't have 'standards' and I don't give a shit about your style. I liked talking to you. But I guess you are right. We can't be friends if you're going to make a big deal about everything!" Jimmy shot back.  
  
"Me? You've got to be kidding," she mumbled, grabbing her things and rushing down the stairs. "Let's just forget last night EVER happened," she replied.  
  
Before he could respond, she had disappeared.  
  
---  
  
"Manny? It's me, JT."  
  
"Hey, you," she said into the phone. "What's going on?"  
  
"Oh, nothing," he said, trying to sound casual. "I was wondering...if you wanted to get together at the Dot some time?"  
  
Ever since he had faced his fear of asking Manny to the dance, asking her to hang out was not a problem anymore. It was around noon, so he hoped she had no plans.  
  
"Um..........sounds good. What time do you want to meet?" she asked.  
  
"I was thinking in, maybe, fifteen minutes?" he suggested.  
  
"Sure," she answered. "See ya then. Bye, JT." He heard the click on the other line, and immediately threw down the phone and jumped on his bed. This had been the best week of his life.  
  
***  
  
She walked into the Dot wearing a skimpy denim miniskirt and a black tie-up top that was not fully tied up. Exposing a little too much of her cleavage, she sat down in front of JT.  
  
"Hey, Manny. You're looking great," he complimented.  
  
"Thank you," she said, smiling her biggest smile.  
  
After ordering and eating, JT walked Manny home. Somehow, her hand found its way into his. He couldn't believe it.  
  
"I had a really nice time," she said to him.  
  
"That makes two of us," he answered.  
  
The rest of the way was walked in silence. Finally, they arrived at Manny's house.  
  
"Thanks, JT. We should do this again sometime," she said.  
  
Before he knew it, her arms were wrapped around him, and her mouth fell onto his.  
  
After she pulled away, she whispered a "bye" and ran inside her house. JT Yorke was in heaven. 


	8. Dmailed Apologies

Let Me Be the One  
  
Author's Note: Okay I must do individual thank yous to those who've reviewed practically every chapter of this fic!  
  
Trapped*In*A*BoxX-You've reviewed almost every single one of my fanfics! ^__^ Thank you so much for your reviews. I always look forward to them!!  
  
Punkxrawker- I loooove your fic "Dear Ashley". You have mucho talent! Thank you for your kind reviews!  
  
Darkstorm5000: I think I got all the zeros. I love your writing! I look forward to every update. You always give me great, honest reviews! Thank you!  
  
JamiesAngel2008: Your reviews are always so sweet. Thank you!!  
  
Thanks to everyone else! Degrassicutie1, ChoHo, PsYcHoJo, chocl8chps, Goddess of the Bloodmoon, Potato Chippy Weezer, PastPresentFuture, etc. You guys are the best! ^_^  
  
Okay, now that I have taken care of that. ONWARD!  
  
Chapter Eight- D-Mailed Apologies  
  
Monday morning rolled around before Ellie knew it. Sitting in MI, she was instantly greeted by Ashley.  
  
"Hey, El. What's up?" she said cheerfully.  
  
"Uh, nothing. Just...thinking," she replied. Her mind was still on the argument that she and Jimmy had had the other day. It was affecting her too weirdly. She shouldn't care. She should just shrug it off and continue on with her life.  
  
"About...?" her friend pried.  
  
"Nothing. Really," Ellie told her, hoping she would take a hint and mind her own business.  
  
"Okay. Anyways, you and Jimmy seemed pretty friendly at Paige's party. You slept in the same room," Ashley said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.  
  
"Jealous?" Ellie asked, half joking and half serious.  
  
"Of course not. Jimmy and I are way over. Besides, I think...I love Craig."  
  
Ellie's jaw dropped. "Not this again," she moaned. "Are you two even officially back together?"  
  
"Well, not exactly. I'm just...scared. Very scared," Ashley confided.  
  
"You have every right to be. He took your heart and ripped it to shreds, just leaving you there, bleeding," Ellie said poetically.  
  
"Don't get morbid now," Ash told her.  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Paige is seriously having a bad affect on you."  
  
"Whatever," she replied.  
  
Ellie was about to ask her if she could copy her science homework, when he walked in. Jimmy didn't even look at her. She had to admit, that hurt. She watched as he took his seat next to Spinner. Spinner was laughing and nodding in Ellie's direction. Clearly, she was the object of ridicule. Jimmy ignored him. He clicked away on his computer, very focused.  
  
Only seconds later Ellie had discovered what he was typing. A D-mail to her.  
  
She opened it up and it read:  
  
Ellie-  
  
I can tell you're still pissed off at me. I don't know what else to do except apologize. Maybe we are two different people, but we do have some things in common. I know you think it's some evil plan, but I really do enjoy your company. I hope we can still be friends.  
  
-Jimmy  
  
She sighed, and hit the "reply" button.  
  
Jimmy-  
  
Yes, I do think it is some evil plan. People like you cannot be friends with people like me. That's just how it goes. I don't know. I'll talk to you after class.  
  
-El  
  
She sent the D-mail and moments later he got her attention and nodded at her. She sat back in her chair and waited for the announcements to pop up on her screen. Seconds later, Liberty Van Zandt appeared on the computer.  
  
"Good morning, Degrassi. I'm Liberty Van Zandt. New issues of the Grapevine will be distributed throughout the school. Just a reminder, the Spring Fling is only TWO weeks away..."  
  
Ellie tuned out after that. Spring Fling. Whoop dee doo.  
  
Luckily, Mr. Simpson had started class immediately after. Sometimes, Ellie looked forward to his class because it ended up going by so quickly. Soon enough, after assigning homework, the bell rang. Ellie hurriedly gathered her stuff, not even aware that Jimmy was standing outside the door waiting for her. Heading for the door, she practically body slammed him.  
  
"We really need to stop meeting like this," she mumbled.  
  
"You told me you'd talk to me after class," he reminded her.  
  
"Oh. Right."  
  
"Come on," he said, dragging her out of the class by her arm.  
  
"Where are we going?" Ellie demanded.  
  
"Somewhere away from here," he replied simply.  
  
"But I have English next! YOU have English next! We're going to be late!" she told him, trying to pull away from his grasp.  
  
"You'll live," he said, pulling her along with him.  
  
He released her when they had come to their destination.  
  
"The auditorium?" she asked. "Why are we going in here?"  
  
"Because. We need to talk."  
  
"Can't you just let this go already? We aren't going to solve anything!" she told him.  
  
"We're going to try. You obviously don't know much about friendships, Ellie Nash," he said, opening the door, and shutting it behind him.  
  
Furiously, she opened the door. "YOU want to be my friend?"  
  
"Is that so wrong?" he asked.  
  
She froze. "Yes!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because, we aren't supposed to be! It doesn't work out like this! Why do you want to get to know me? Why do you want to have anything to do with me?"  
  
"You want to know why? Because you're real. From just last night, I can tell that I can be able to talk to you about anything and you'll always listen. Do you think I could do the same with Paige or," he gave a small laugh, "Spinner?"  
  
Ellie smiled a half-smile. "I guess I have told you more then anyone else. Kind of bizarre, actually."  
  
"So, we're cool again?" Jimmy asked her.  
  
She nodded. "Yes."  
  
A/N: Eh, not a good chapter. Too short, I think. I'm trying to write longer chapters, so if you're enjoying this fic, you can be happy! Hehe. R&R please! ^__^ 


	9. SlimFast and Experiments

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews!  
  
OH and thanks to punkxrawker for reminding me of what Toby's dad's name was! ;)  
  
Chapter Nine- SlimFast and Experiments  
  
"Just drop your stuff in the living room," Ashley told Ellie as they entered her house after school.  
  
Ellie did as instructed, and helped herself to the kitchen. She scanned every cabinet and the inside of the pantry.  
  
"What IS all this?" Ellie demanded, holding up a Slim-Fast packaged meal.  
  
Ashley laughed slightly. "Oh. Heh. Jeff's on a health food diet spree this month."  
  
"Okay, last months fishing obsession was one thing, but THIS? Please tell me you have some real food somewhere."  
  
"We have some popsicles in the freezer," Ashley suggested.  
  
"It'll have to do," Ellie said, opening the door to the freezer, and pulling out the box. She handed one to Ash and grabbed another for herself.  
  
"So, want to get started on that MI homework?" Ashley asked, taking the box from Ellie and putting it back.  
  
"Um, no."  
  
"Come on, El. I NEED a good grade in that class. Simpson has been on my case since last marking period. Let's just get it over with," Ashley said.  
  
"Mr. Simpson has been on everyone's case lately. But if we must," she replied, unenthusiastically.  
  
They both walked into the study, and Ashley booted up her computer as Ellie pulled up another chair. She noticed her sign onto her AIM.  
  
"Oh, yeah, we're really getting this homework done," Ellie mumbled sarcastically.  
  
"I just want to see who's on."  
  
Ellie rolled her eyes, and waited as Ashley IMed the one and only Craig Manning.  
  
overXposed- Hey [insert wink smiley face here]. What's up?  
  
pictureperfect- Just attempting to work on a project with Ellie. Call me later?  
  
overXposed- sure thing. [insert ANOTHER wink smiley face here].  
  
Ashley put up an away message and minimized everything.  
  
"Let's get started, shall we?" she said.  
  
"Yeah, whatever."  
  
After twenty minutes of working, Ellie declared that she was sick of it and wanted to take a break. So, they went outside and sat on the porch steps after grabbing another popsicle.  
  
"So..." Ashley said. "How are you doing?"  
  
"What do you mean?" Ellie asked, biting off the tip of her popsicle.  
  
"I mean, you know..." her voice trailed off, and she was staring at her wrists.  
  
"Ash!"  
  
"What? I'm just wondering!"  
  
"You sound exactly like Paige. It's been months. I'm fine, okay?" Ellie told her.  
  
"Okay, okay, I was just curious. Things have been looking up for you, haven't they?"  
  
"Not especially..." Ellie mumbled under breath.  
  
"No, I mean things with you and Jimmy," Ashley said, wiggling her eyebrows.  
  
"Shut up. We're friends. I just can't believe it won't bother you if he's with someone else, considering all of your past history."  
  
"El, I've moved on. He needs to move on too. Come on, I mean, we were together in grade eight and, for what? Not even a week in grade nine. It's over," Ashley explained. "We're two different people."  
  
"Last year, maybe. This year? You seem to have a lot more in common than you did last year," Ellie said.  
  
"How?"  
  
Ellie just shrugged. "Never mind. Let's go, the MI homework calls. We're not even half-way done."  
  
------  
  
"Okay, class," Ms. Hatzilakos said, Tuesday morning, "I want you paired up with person at your lab table, and we're going to conduct the experiment I was talking about earlier. I HOPE you were all paying attention."  
  
JT looked across the room at Manny, who was sitting next to Sean Cameron.  
  
He better not put any moves on her, he thought jealously.  
  
"JT, hello?" came the voice of his lab partner. Liberty Van Zandt.  
  
"Um, yeah?" he said, not taking his eyes off Manny.  
  
"Want to go get the supplies or would you rather I do it?" she asked.  
  
He said nothing. He just sat there, staring as Manny got up.  
  
"JT!" she exclaimed, getting annoyed. "Fine. I'll do it!"  
  
She stomped up to the front of the room, pushing past people anxiously. She lived for science.  
  
Ten minutes into the experiment, Mr. Raditch paid the class a visit.  
  
"Ms. H, can I please borrow Manny Santos for a moment?" he asked. Once he said that, the class began ooh-ing and ahh-ing.  
  
"Sure, Mr. Raditch. Manny?" Ms. Hatzilakos said.  
  
Wearing a pair of low-rise short shorts and a spaghetti strapped, stomach-revealing, low-cut tank top, she stood up and walked out of the classroom with the principal.  
  
"What do you think that was about?" JT asked Liberty, as if she'd have the slightest clue.  
  
"No idea, but my guess is it isn't something good," Liberty snapped.  
  
"What's your problem with Manny? Didn't you guys used to be friends or something?" JT asked her.  
  
"Friends? That's pushing a little, don't you think? Anyways, she's just changed. I don't need to associate myself with her."  
  
"That's a little harsh," he said, getting defensive.  
  
"I don't think it's harsh enough. Look at who she's become. But I don't think you would understand that," Liberty said to him. "Okay, look, we need to get back to the experiment."  
  
"I wouldn't understand?" JT asked, curiously. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Nothing. Just forget it."  
  
JT sighed, and began helping Liberty with the experiment, trying to forget about what she had said.  
  
----  
  
The bell rang and each student filed out of Mr. Armstrong's class. Ellie walked out, heading for her locker. Lunch time. She wasn't hungry at all, but she figured it was only twenty-five minutes to sit through.  
  
She entered the lunchroom, and went to find a seat when she heard a familiar voice calling her name.  
  
"Ellie!"  
  
She turned her head. It was Marco. She headed over in his direction. She noticed him sitting with Ashley and Craig.  
  
"Aren't you going to get anything to eat?" Ashley asked her as Ellie sat down and propped her head up with her hand.  
  
"I'm not hungry," she replied.  
  
"Here, take some of my fries," Marco said, handing her a few.  
  
Ellie rolled her eyes, and accepted the food.  
  
It was three minutes before the bell rang. Her eyes scanned the room in boredom. She stopped and stared as Paige, Spinner, Hazel, Terri and Jimmy sat at a table near theirs. Jimmy. He hadn't spoken a word to her at all since homeroom.  
  
He has his own life, remember? She thought to herself.  
  
But part of her wished he would come over and talk to her.  
  
He's got better things to do than talk to you ALL day, she thought viciously.  
  
He had said all those great things to her, though.  
  
She didn't even know why she cared so much. But she did. What was wrong with her?  
  
[A/N: Hope you like it. Just to let you know, the JT/Manny thing is the subplot, so you most likely won't be seeing them in EVERY chapter.] 


	10. Understanding Each Other

A/N: Finally, I have chapter 10 out. I've had it written for a while, but my computer was seriously messed up...so be glad! Here it is.  
  
Chapter Ten- Understanding Each Other  
  
Manny walked sophisticatedly down the hallway of Degrassi the next morning, heading for her destination. Glaring evilly, she pushed past a crowd of people, and found Liberty at her locker.  
  
"Exactly WHAT is your problem?" she snapped, rage filling her voice.  
  
"Excuse me?" Liberty asked, surprised.  
  
"You complained to Raditch about my wardrobe, AGAIN, didn't you? I know you don't like it, but you don't have to be jealous," she barked.  
  
"First off, if you're talking about yesterday, I did not say a word to Raditch. Second of all, I am not jealous of you, Manny."  
  
She said the 'you' as if she were a pile of cow manuer. Manny's lip twitched, a sign of either hurt or anger. Liberty couldn't tell which.  
  
"You know I'm on the verge of suspension?! He said if he catches me wearing anything 'risqué' , he's going to call my parents!" Manny cried.  
  
Liberty shrugged. "That's what happens when you don't think about your decisions. Good luck with that," she said smartly, slammed her locker and walked away with a smirk upon her face.  
  
Shrieking, Manny stormed off to class.  
  
"Can you believe the nerve of that girl!" she whined to JT, plopping down in Ms. Hatzilakos's homeroom.  
  
"Who?" he asked, his eyes on her.  
  
"Liberty!" she exclaimed, as if JT had been there in the hallway during her outburst.  
  
JT knew firsthand how annoying Liberty appeared to be, so he could relate. But still, he asked her what had happened, and she told him the story.  
  
"Well," he said, after she finished, "not that I'm complaining or anything, that talk with Raditch certainly didn't change anything."  
  
She had on a dark blue denim miniskirt and a white halter top. She decided to keep it simple, but sexy.  
  
Manny gave JT a look. "What? You think I'm going to change because of what Raditch and Miss Van Zandt have to say about the way I dress? Yeah, right."  
  
JT shrugged. "Would you rather be suspended?"  
  
"JT!" Manny screeched, frustrated. "That's not the point! Besides, I thought you were down with my new look."  
  
He ignored her and began listening as Ms. Hatzilakos started the class.  
  
---  
  
The bell rang. Ellie grabbed her stuff and trudged out of the classroom.  
  
"Don't look so happy," a voice said from behind her. She whirled around.  
  
It was Jimmy.  
  
"I'm not," Ellie replied, and slowed down a bit so he could catch up.  
  
"Bad day?" he asked. "Already?"  
  
"No," she answered. "I just don't want to be here."  
  
"I know what you mean. Want to hang out after school?" he suggested.  
  
"Sure," she said, a smile forming upon her face.  
  
"Did I hear that correctly?" It was Spinner. "Well, well, well, Jimmy. I must say, I am surprised. First Miss Ashley Kerwin and now Miss Eleanor Nash."  
  
"Shut up, dude, you're so stupid," Jimmy remarked.  
  
"Tell me about it," Ellie mumbled under her breath.  
  
"Just wait until Paige hears about this," Spinner said with a laugh.  
  
"Since when did you become Mister Gossip King?" Ellie asked.  
  
"Ever since Paige turned him to the dark side," Jimmy retorted.  
  
"Dude, what's your problem? Paige is your friend too, incase you had forgotten. I can't believe you, man. And you think I'm going bad. Look at you." Spinner's words were filled with hate and hurt.  
  
Ellie glanced at Jimmy. "What did I do?" she asked lamely.  
  
Jimmy didn't answer. He stood there, watching as his friend turned and walked away.  
  
---  
  
She sat in a washroom stall during her lunch hour. She frantically searched through her back for something. Anything. She finally found a tiny pair of scissors. She hadn't done it in a few weeks, and yet all of a sudden she felt the urge. What was one more cut? She pushed up her arm warmer, revealing her marred skin. She made one cut. Not so deep. Then another, this time pushing down on the scissors with more force. Suddenly, she heard the door bust open. Quickly, she grabbed some toilet tissue, dabbing the blood away, and flushed it down the toilet. She straightened up her arm warmer, not even realizing that blood would most likely seep through.  
  
She opened the door, and saw Paige digging through her purse.  
  
"Hey, El," she said, not even looking up.  
  
"How'd you know it was me?" she asked.  
  
"Who else has black boots the size of Texas?" Paige replied, not intending to sound harsh. She noticed as Ellie just stood there, frozen. "Um, hon, aren't you going to wash your hands?"  
  
"Right, that's the sanitary thing to do," Ellie mumbled, and walked over to the sink. She tried to make sure Paige didn't watch as she pulled up her arm warmers.  
  
"Ellie!" Paige gasped. Too late. She had spotted the bloody arm. "Ellie, please tell me you didn't just-"  
  
"Really, Paige, it's none of your business!" Ellie exclaimed.  
  
Paige ran over to some paper towels. She wet it with water and grabbed Ellie's arm. She dabbed the wet cloth on her cut, and surprisingly, she didn't pull away.  
  
"Why are you making this into some big ordeal?" Ellie asked, furious with Paige. With herself.  
  
"Because it is! Do you have any idea who you're hurting?"  
  
"Nobody! I'm not hurting anybody!" she cried.  
  
"Yes, you are. Whether you want to believe it or not, you're hurting everyone!" Paige told her.  
  
"Who?" she asked, as tears began flowing down her cheeks.  
  
"Jimmy, Ash, your mother, your father, Marco and even me!" Paige shouted and then froze. Did she really just say that?  
  
Ellie looked at her. "Yeah, right. You couldn't care less about me. You want to know a secret, Paige? My mother is a drunk, my dad is in Kabul and my friends don't even know!"  
  
"That's not true at all," Paige replied quietly. "It hurts me that you don't care about anyone else but yourself. It hurts me to know that you WANT to do this to yourself. And Jimmy knows. He even told me so-"  
  
"Oh, so you two have been talking about me behind my back?"  
  
"We're worried for you, Ellie. This isn't right. This isn't normal," Paige said calmly.  
  
"My life isn't normal," she replied.  
  
Paige smiled. "whose is? Look, Ellie, I know you won't listen to me, but please. Please try to look at this from everyone else's perspective. You've done so much damage, to yourself and others."  
  
"I just.........I just don't know how to stop," Ellie admitted.  
  
"You could try talking to Ms. Suave again........." Paige said.  
  
Ellie stared at the tiled walls. "Maybe."  
  
"And this time, actually talk. She's a very good counselor. She helped me back when-"her voice trailed off.  
  
"Back when what?" Ellie asked.  
  
"It's not important."  
  
"Hmm, I think it is. I think now that you pretty much know all of my insane problems, it's your time to share."  
  
Paige's face grew serious. "I was going to say that Ms. Suave helped me after.........after I was date-raped last year."  
  
Ellie's eyes widened. "Wow, that must've been awful."  
  
She nodded. "Worst experience of my life. But I don't like to dwell on it. I've moved on. I'm pretty much over it."  
  
Suddenly, Ellie felt guilty for all of the cruel and twisted thoughts that had ever crossed her mind about Paige Michalchuk. They were sitting here in the washroom, having a civilized conversation and now they both knew each other's terrible secret.  
  
"Well, I'd say we've bonded quite enough, so I'm going to go back to the lunchroom," Ellie said, fixing her arm warmer, and grabbing her bag.  
  
"Okay, but I'm serious. If you ever need to talk to anyone, you've got my number, right?" Paige said.  
  
"Uh, actually, I don't," Ellie answered.  
  
"Right," Paige laughed, reaching into her purse and pulling out a notepad and pen. She quickly scribbled a number down and handed it to Ellie.  
  
"Thanks," she said meaningfully, and walked out the door. 


	11. An Unexpected Afternoon

A/N: Well here it is. Enjoy!  
  
Chapter Eleven- An Unexpected Afternoon  
  
"JT!" Manny called after him before the last period of the day. She spotted him walking down the hallway.  
  
He whirled around. "Manny, hi."  
  
"Don't 'Manny, hi' me. I just want to know one thing."  
  
"And what would that be?" he asked.  
  
"Did that kiss mean anything to you. At all?"  
  
JT thought back to that afternoon they had spent together. "Yeah, definitely."  
  
Manny smiled. "So we're still on for the dance, right?"  
  
"Yeah...I mean, if you still want to."  
  
"Totally. I just thought that because of what happened in science you didn't still want to go with me."  
  
Manny actually seemed to be happy. When she was with JT she completely forgot about Craig and all of the suffering that he put her through. She had to admit, at first she agreed to go to the dance with JT as revenge. But spending time with him was great, and he really seemed to like her.  
  
"Nah, forget about that." JT clasped her hand and was about to give her a kiss on the cheek when Liberty brushed past them.  
  
"You, PDA is strictly against the Code of Conduct. Look it up," she said snottily, and flounced down the hallway.  
  
Manny giggled and JT rolled his eyes, and they walked to their next class together.  
  
------------  
  
"So," Jimmy began as she and Ellie walked out of Degrassi together, heading for The Dot, "the dance. Yay or nay?"  
  
"Nay," Ellie answered. "And yourself?"  
  
He shrugged. "Sounds kind of fun, I guess."  
  
"I'm not into the whole dance scene," she told him.  
  
"Didn't you go to the dance last year?" he reminded her.  
  
"For the yearbook. I don't dance."  
  
"Why not?" he asked her.  
  
Because they are completely and utterly lame, she thought.  
  
All she did was give a small shrug. "I don't know, because I suck. And then you have to go through the whole king and queen drama. It's a total waste of time."  
  
"And what would you rather be doing on a Friday night?" Jimmy wanted to know.  
  
"Um, blasting my music and scaring little kids?" she suggested.  
  
He laughed. "How productive."  
  
"And a dance is?"  
  
They finally reached The Dot. There, Ellie spotted Paige sitting at a table by herself. She looked as if she was waiting for someone, but she wasn't sure. Paige noticed Ellie, and then Ellie quickly looked away.  
  
"Think we should go say hi at least?" Jimmy asked.  
  
No, no, no! Ellie wanted to protest, but she didn't. It wasn't anything against Paige, not anymore, but this was supposed to be her and Jimmy's time. And she knew that once they went over there, she would go back to being the third wheel. She was always the third wheel. With Ashley and Craig, and Marco and Dylan, she never got a break. That's why she did not want to go over there.  
  
But Ellie didn't want to be mean, so she just shrugged, and they walked over to her.  
  
"Hey, guys," Paige said, trying to sound normal, when really they both knew she was thinking, what the hell are you two doing together? Paige knew they'd been friendly lately, but she didn't think they carried on outside of school. "What are you two doing here?"  
  
"Just hanging out. What's up?" Jimmy asked.  
  
Paige rolled her eyes. "Waiting for my lousy boyfriend to get here," she joked. "Care to join me until he does?"  
  
Jimmy gave Ellie a quick glance, and she gave a small nod, although deep inside she wanted to get out of there. They both took a seat and ordered food. Minutes later, Spinner walked through the door. He stopped when he saw Jimmy.  
  
"What's he doing here?" he demanded.  
  
"He is your friend, remember, hon?" Paige said.  
  
"Right."  
  
"Spin, just forget about it, okay? I'm sorry," Jimmy apologized.  
  
"Yeah, me too," Ellie quipped. "For whatever it was that I did."  
  
It took a few more minutes of persuasion, but Spinner decided that he could sit out one meal with Jimmy and Ellie.  
  
Once they received their food, there was a long pause. Spinner was the first to break it.  
  
"So, Jim, how are the kids?" he asked. Paige giggled.  
  
"What are you talking about, Spin?" Jimmy asked, although he knew.  
  
"Well you and Miss Nash seem to spend all your time together, so I figure..."  
  
Ellie laughed. "We're friends, Spinner. Friends. And do you have to keep referring to me as 'Miss Nash'?"  
  
"Oh, right. We all know about your undying passion for each--"  
  
Paige whacked him across the shoulder lightly. "They're just friends."  
  
"Ha ha. You're funny, Paige. You and I both know that they can't stay 'just friends'."  
  
"It's possible!" Paige argued.  
  
"Honeybee, you really should watch more TV. It's, like, a law or something. A guy and a girl cannot be 'just friends'," Spinner explained.  
  
"I'm friends with Jimmy, aren't I? We're 'just friends'," Paige told him.  
  
"Or that's what you want me to think. Besides, I'm way more studlier than Jimmy. Who can resist me?" he teased.  
  
"I'll start making a list," Ellie retorted, and Paige laughed.  
  
They finished eating, and then they parted. And to tell the truth, Ellie actually had fun with these people who she was so critical of just a week before. The best part was, though, that they accepted her as well. This was definitely weird to Ellie, but for the most part, she wasn't complaining.  
  
"You know," she said to Jimmy as they left The Dot, "they're really not all that bad."  
  
"So, do you still think they're conformists with no brains?" he asked her.  
  
She shrugged. "I think it's a little too early to be saying anything."  
  
"Well, I'm glad you had a good time."  
  
She smiled, and they walked along Degrassi Street.  
  
"So, which way is your house?" he asked.  
  
"You're walking me home? How sweet of you!"  
  
"No, I was just wondering, incase of an emergency. You can make it home by yourself, right?" he joked.  
  
"Very funny, James," she replied, grinning.  
  
"Who's kidding?"  
  
She punched him in the arm. "Let's go." She dragged him in the direction of her house.  
  
In a couple of minutes, they had reached the Nash residence. "Well, here we are," Ellie sighed.  
  
"You gonna be okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll be fine. See you in school, I guess," she told him, as she approached the front door.  
"Ellie."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Jimmy hesitated. "Never mind. See you later."  
  
With that, he walked off, leaving Ellie with a puzzled look on her face. 


	12. Evil Plans

**A/N: Hola, people. I'm back with a new chapter. I'm hoping to update more frequently now. I haven't had time to write at all, and I have found inspiration for this story! So, read and review. Hope you like. :)**  
  
**Chapter Twelve**- Evil Plans  
  
"Just do it," Paige said to Jimmy Thursday morning. "It's so obvious that she's totally in love with you anyways. You have nothing to worry about, really."  
  
"Easy for you to say, Paige, you've already got a date," Jimmy snapped.  
  
"Fine, hon, you keep up that little attitude and see how far it gets you," she remarked, and flounced down the hallway.  
  
Jimmy sighed, and headed for his locker. There was something truly intriguing about Ellie Nash, and Jimmy had been pulled in. He had been so desperate for advice to get Ellie to go the Spring Fling with him, he had resorted to Paige. Usually it wouldn't have been a problem for him to ask any other girl out, but Ellie wasn't just another girl. He wanted to say the right things around her and act the right way around her. He had to admit it, she made him nervous. But it wasn't a bad nervous. Jimmy couldn't explain it, but something was definitely there. He hated that she was the hardest girl in the world to read. He felt like he was getting mixed emotions from her.  
  
Then there was also the fact that Ellie was anti-Spring Fling. This made it all the more difficult to persuade her to go. He had had the perfect opportunity to ask her yesterday, but he freaked. Why was he feeling this way?  
  
He thought about all of this as he made his way to his locker. There he saw Paige already digging through her purse for her makeup and chatting with Hazel at the same time.  
  
Jimmy once thought he had a crush on Hazel, but that was way before he met Ellie. Hazel was Paige's shadow. He knew she had a brain; she just didn't use her own sometimes. She seemed to be more concerned with _Paige's_ thoughts and_ Paige's_ actions that she didn't stop and think about what she_ really_ wanted.  
  
"Oh, it's you again," Paige said to Jimmy in a bored tone.  
  
"Very funny, Paige," he said and began going through his locker.  
  
"Don't be so sarcastic, because I have a great plan that might actually get you what—or shall I say _who_—you want," she told him.  
  
"And what would that wonderful plan be?" he asked.  
  
She shut her locker and walked over to him. "It will just take some persuading. Except it will be me doing it and not you. Plus, I doubt Ellie would find it very attractive seeing you beg," Paige said, smirking. "But anyways, all I have to do is get her to go. So, I'll invite her out to eat or something and all talk will just go from there."  
  
"And you think she'll actually agree?" he questioned.  
  
"Please, hon," she said. "I'm the master of persuasion. How do you think I get my mother to buy me all these fabulous clothes?" she continued, smiling.  
  
The bell rang and Jimmy entered his homeroom. He saw Ashley in the back corner, typing away furiously on the keyboard. Somewhere in his heart, he did have some left over feelings for Ashley, but he realized that no matter how he felt, she had moved on. And this was a totally different feeling than the feelings he had for Ellie. It was just sad for him to see Ashley moving on. It seemed as if she was forgetting their history together.  
  
Jimmy tried to dismiss these thoughts for the rest of first period. He emptied his mind as the morning announcements came on.  
  
------  
  
The grade nine's sat in Mrs. Hatzilakos's class again for another science lesson. They were overjoyed, really.  
  
Liberty noticed that every ten seconds JT would take his eyes off of his work and lay them upon Manny. She would giggle and smile at him and then tuck a few strands of curly hair behind her ear. This almost made Liberty gag. How could JT even be remotely interested in her?  
  
_Because she's pretty, popular and dresses like a prostitute_, Liberty answered for herself.  
  
She didn't like feeling this much anger and resentment towards Manny, but it wasn't fair at all. Manny could have any guy in the school that she wanted, so why would she pick JT of all people? Didn't Manny remember that _Liberty_ was the one who had liked JT for so many years? She knew she shouldn't be living in the past like this...but it was so hard to see him flirting, hugging, and kissing her.  
  
Liberty decided she should be more focused on her schoolwork, so instead of watching JT make lovey-dovey faces at Manny; she concentrated on getting the work that Mrs. Hatzilakos assigned completed. She worked for about ten minutes, and then couldn't take it any longer. She turned to JT, who was sitting next to her and said, "So, I hear you're going to the Spring Fling with Manny."  
  
JT smiled. "Yeah."  
  
_He doesn't even care about my feelings,_ Liberty thought sadly.  
  
"Well, I'm happy for you," she lied. A very evil thought then came into her head. "I just hope that Craig doesn't show up, ya know?" she added.  
  
_ That was so low, Van Zandt,_ she said to herself. But something had overpowered her. She was not in control anymore.  
  
"What do you mean by that?" he asked.  
  
"Well you know how she hooked up with him right? And how it kind of blew up in her face..." her voice trailed off.  
  
"That was months ago."  
  
"Maybe so, but I heard she might still be hung up on him," she told him.  
  
"Yeah, right. I don't believe it," he said.  
  
"Okay, whatever. I just don't want to see you get hurt..."  
  
JT looked at her. Finally, he caved in. "Okay, now I'm curious. Where'd you hear this?"  
  
"Interesting what you can find out in the girls' washroom these days," Liberty told him mysteriously. She was lying through her teeth, but Liberty was upset and she needed to do something to let JT know that Manny was so wrong for him.  
  
He just frowned and mumbled a, "Whatever you say, Liberty." But still, she felt accomplished. Smiling, she went back to working. This had to work. 


	13. The Ups and Downs

**Let Me Be the One**  
  
_A/N: Thank you all SO much for the reviews. 3_  
  
**Chapter Thirteen- The Ups and Downs**  
  
_One more, just one more cut_, Ellie thought to herself as she got ready to go to school the next morning. It won't make a difference, anyways.  
  
Quickly, she rolled up her black sleeve, revealing dozens of red marks that marred her skin. She grabbed her compass, and traced a line across a small section of clean skin. She watched as the blood oozed out. Afterwards, she cleaned up and then headed off to school, feeling much better.  
  
Her mood soon changed when she reached the steps of Degrassi. She hated the feeling school gave her.  
  
_ Thank God it's Friday,_ she thought and made her way into the building. Once she reached her locker, Ashley came storming towards her.  
  
"I hate him! I really, truly hate him!" she cried. "I can't believe it! He's such scum!"  
  
"Whoa, calm down, Ash," Ellie said. "Now, what happened?"  
  
"Craig. I thought he really did care about me. But then last night he sent me an e-mail saying that it would be better if we were just friends. Can you believe him? Yeah right, how can I be just friends with him?!" she exclaimed. "I hate guys."  
  
Ellie sighed. Not this again. "Doesn't that maybe tell you something?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"That maybe you and Craig are two completely different people and need to just, I don't know...get away from each other?" Ellie suggested, trying not to sound harsh.  
  
"Thanks a lot, El. You wouldn't understand. I love him."  
  
"I wouldn't understand?" Ellie questioned.  
  
"Yeah, you've never been in love," Ashley said knowingly.  
  
"How would you know that?"  
  
"Hello? We're best friends," she told her.  
  
Ellie snorted. She may not have ever been in love, but how in the hell would Ashley know that? It's not like she knew her whole life story.  
  
She shrugged, grabbed her stuff, and headed off to homeroom.  
  
"Hey, Ellie, sit right here," a voice said.  
  
She looked at Spinner. Did she hear correctly? Paige was on his right, and he tapped the seat on his left. Warily, she walked over to the seat.  
  
This better not be some kind of trick, she thought.  
  
She sat down and said, "So, Gavin, you actually don't mind if people see us sitting together?"  
  
Spinner shook his head. "I was wrong about you, Ellie Nash."  
  
"Besides," Paige quipped, "Jimmy's got to sit somewhere." She nodded at the empty seat next to Ellie. Ellie gave her a look and Paige giggled.  
  
"Don't even try to set me up, you guys. I think I'm perfectly capable of finding a boyfriend myself," Ellie told them.  
  
Paige shrugged. "Just trying to help a friend out."  
  
Wait, did she say friend?  
  
"And, plus," she continued, "you two _would_ make a cute couple. You know you like him."  
  
Ellie shook her head. "He's just a friend," she said faintly.  
  
"A very good friend at that," Spinner added.  
  
Moments later, Jimmy came into the room. And just as Paige and Spinner expected, he took the seat next to her. They all said their hello's, when Hazel Aden came in. Obviously expecting a seat with Paige and Posse, you could see the hurt look on her face when she saw that Ellie had taken her usual seat. Hazel walked over to the other side of the room, not saying a word the group. Paige would have to explain her reasons for exiling Hazel, but she tried not to let that cross her brain. This was part of her mission to bring together Jimmy and Ellie.  
  
"Okay, now I feel really bad," Ellie said.  
  
"It's fine. Hazel will totally understand. Tomorrow we can save a seat for her. No problem," Paige told Ellie.  
  
She shrugged, but felt out of place the rest of the class. Jimmy hardly talked to her, just as he did the previous day. Something seemed to be really bothering him, and she wanted to ask, but she wasn't quite sure she'd want to hear the response, so she let it go. She wanted more than anything to be able to start a conversation with him, but something made her reluctant.  
  
---------  
  
While Ellie shut her locker, ready for her lunch period, Marco came up to her.  
  
"Hey, El, what's up?" he greeted.  
  
"Lunch," she said. "Yourself?"  
  
"Nothing. Hey, some of us are meeting at my place after school. Want to come?" he asked her.  
  
"Um," Ellie thought for a moment. "I guess I can. I'll have to check."  
  
Wow, she had never been as social as she had been in the past couple of weeks. It scared her, yet she was glad for the change. For once, she felt accepted. This was by far one of the greatest days of life.  
  
She took a few minutes and called her mother and told her about the plans she had made. Her mother, hardly sober, bitched about how Ellie never did anything to help her and then mumbled a 'whatever'.  
  
"You do whatever you want anyways," she snapped and hung up on her daughter.  
  
Ellie felt sulky the rest of the day. She entered her last class of the day with a frown on her face. She took a seat next to Marco and threw her bag on the ground.  
  
"Bad day?" he asked.  
  
She shrugged. "I guess. Oh well, only one more class period."  
  
Marco nodded his agreement and sympathy. Jimmy came in a few seconds later and sat down in the empty seat next to Ellie. They said their greetings and there was an awkward silence, until Jimmy asked, "You feelin' all right?"  
  
She gave a half-smile. "I'm good."  
  
"So you gonna be there at Marco's today?" he questioned.  
  
She nodded and his face lit up. "Alright. Cool," was his reply.  
  
------  
  
"Dude, like get some real food," Spinner complained as he dug through the pantry of the Del Rossi's home after school.  
  
"Spin, maybe if you ate something other than cheese you might actually like some of the food I have," Marco shot back.  
  
Spinner thought for a moment. "Nah," he said.  
  
Spinner, Marco, Craig, Jimmy, Ellie and Paige sat in the kitchen of Marco's house, lounging. Ellie and Jimmy were tossing a tennis ball back and forth, Spinner was digging through the fridge, Paige was begging Ellie to let her do her nails, and Craig was sitting down, messing with his guitar.  
  
"Okay, Ellie, hon, if you won't let me do your hair can I at least do your nails? I'll even paint them black if you want. Though I think a magenta color would look nice with your hair and complexion..." Paige said.  
  
Ellie rolled her eyes. "No thanks, Barbie," she joked. Paige and Ellie had almost broken through their 'uncomfortable, I-don't-know-where-we- stand' stage, but not quite. It was a little awkward sometimes, but Ellie still felt like she could mess with Paige, even though more often than not she meant the things she said. She just displayed them in a joking way.  
  
Paige sighed. "Okay, you guys are seriously boring me to death."  
  
"Bye, Paige. I'd write you a eulogy, but there's nothing that great to say about you anyways," Ellie remarked.  
  
Paige took a grape from the bowl of fruit resting on the counter and chucked it at Ellie's head.  
"You have good aim. I'm surprised," she said again. She couldn't help it. The snippy comments were too much fun.  
  
"Damn you, Nash," Paige replied.  
  
"So, Manning, I heard you broke Ashley's heart again," Ellie said casually. Craig looked a little embarrassed. Oops.  
  
"I...I didn't mean to. I just don't think we're right for each other," he explained briefly.  
  
"Make that two of us," Ellie agreed.  
  
Mr. and Mrs. Del Rossi came home about a half an hour later and sent all of the kids outside. They walked down the street that Marco lived on, just relaxing and talking. As they made their way around the corner, Jimmy pulled Ellie aside and clasped his hand with hers. She was surprised at first, but gained control of herself again after a few seconds. She watched as Paige, Spinner, Marco and Craig disappeared down the street.  
  
They sat down on the curb of the street and began to talk. They talked about nothing of real importance, just who they were, what they liked. It all seemed like a big blur to Ellie. She realized, though, that in those moments that her and Jimmy were exactly alike, yet dissimilar at the same time. They had the same views on some things, but their tastes were completely different. He was into rap and hip hop, and she more towards rock and emo. But something about talking to him made her want to be into the same things he was...as if to impress him or something.  
  
She didn't like that she was thinking that way. Why should she change for anyone? She dismissed those thoughts and focused more on the person that Jimmy was. They could completely relate to each other when it came to family. Neither of them had parents that cared very much, so they knew what it was like to spend time on their own and get used to loneliness.  
  
Ellie felt a strange comfort being around Jimmy and all she wanted was for him to put his arms around her. He never did, and as they walked back to Marco's house, she wished she had done something to let him know she cared about him more than he thought. But that didn't happen, and for that she was angry with herself. 


	14. Phone Calls and Realizations

**A/N: Thank you guys for all of the reviews. You have no idea how much they mean to me. =)  
**  
**Chapter Fourteen-** Phone Calls and Realizations  
  
Ellie giggled. Yes, you read correctly, _giggled_. When was the last time that had happened? Maybe in another lifetime, or something...  
  
She was flipping through the caller ID on her cordless phone Saturday afternoon, after coming back from Ashley's house that day, and she saw a name that made her heart flop and let out a happy giggle.   
  
_ C. Brooks_. The name replayed over and over again in her head._ C Brookes_. She only knew one person with that last name. And that one person was the same person who had been on her mind all day long. She felt like...a normal teenager, a crazy child with a crush on a boy. Something she hadn't felt in, well, a really long time. Here she was, Ellie Nash, going insane because a boy called her house. But, wait, how could she be sure that it really was Jimmy who had called? It could've been someone else, right? Brooks_ is_ a common name...  
  
She didn't know why all of a sudden she was freaking out. Maybe it was because for once she felt accepted by a member of the opposite sex or maybe it was because, as weird as it sounded, she felt like she had discovered her other half; the one person who really, truly understood her.  
  
Ellie tried to push all of these thoughts away. She was thinking stupidly. How could she feel like this when she was only fifteen years old? Was this normal? She hadn't even thought of Jimmy as being a_ crush_ up until now.  
  
There was only one way she was going to find out who called. She had to call the number back.  
  
What? No. She couldn't do that. How was it that brave, gutsy Eleanor Nash had now turned to mush at the thought of calling Jimmy? Something was seriously wrong with her.  
  
Ellie pondered for a moment about what to do, when a genius thought came to mind. She grabbed her backpack and dug through it until she found the scrap of paper she was looking for. She opened it up. The entire paper was crinkled and the purple ink was smudged, but she could still read it. Paige's phone number. The one she had given to Ellie the day they had bonded in the school washroom.  
  
Quickly, she dialed Paige's number. "Ellie, hey," Paige greeted after two rings.  
  
"Hey, Paige."  
  
"What's up?" she asked.  
  
"Um, I was just wondering if you, um, well...had Jimmy's number," Ellie mumbled.  
  
She could practically feel Paige grinning on the other end.  
  
"Shut up, Paige," Ellie demanded, even though she hadn't said a word. And Paige understood, too, why Ellie had said that. The two had somehow managed to form this psychic-like bond, where they could almost read each other like a book. It was scary, yes, but Ellie kind of liked the connection.  
  
"Okay, okay. No need to be so snippy!" Paige said. "Now...Jimmy's number." She told Ellie the digits, as she compared the number Paige gave her to the number on the phone.  
  
They matched.  
  
"Uh, thanks," Ellie said awkwardly. The two hung up and Ellie was left staring at the phone held securely in her left hand.  
  
She felt like a complete idiot. Why was she being affected in this way? There were too many questions running through her head, she couldn't think straight. So, she blocked them out and began dialing the number.  
  
------  
  
"Dude, like, get the phone," Spinner instructed, as he threw himself on Jimmy's couch. He began flipping through the TV channels, guzzling down a can of spray cheese.  
  
Jimmy didn't answer and the phone kept ringing.  
  
"DUDE!!" Spinner yelled. His friend had wandered upstairs minutes ago and had yet to return. Spinner sighed and got up. He walked over to the phone that rested on the side table and answered it.  
  
"Hey, you've reached the Brooks' residence. Your call is obviously unwanted if it's taken more than four rings for someone to answer. So if you want to, I don't know, maybe get a life or something, hang up right now because I have a lovely couch and spray cheese to get back to, so I really don't know why I'm even wasting precious seconds of my life—"  
  
"Spinner. What the hell?" the voice on the other end said.  
  
"Uhhh, who is this?" Spinner asked.  
  
"Who wants to know?"  
  
"Well, I don't know, ME!" he retorted.  
  
"Is Jimmy there?" the voice asked.  
  
"No. He's kind of, uh, busy right now. Care to leave a message, 'cause your kind of wasting my time right now..."  
  
"Hey, you answered the damn phone. You wasted your own life. Just, um, tell Jimmy that Ellie called, okay?" she said, and hung up.  
  
Spinner gave the phone an odd look before hanging up. He shook his head. "It was only a matter of time..."  
  
Jimmy came down the stairs a few minutes later. He found Spinner spread out on the couch, letting out a huge belch from too much cheese.  
  
"Dude, where have you been?" Spinner asked, sitting up. "I've been here for like, a million years, but noooo, you don't care..."  
  
"Spin, chill out. Why were you yelling earlier? Who called?"  
  
An evil grin crept upon Spinner's face. "Your girlfriend, Miss Nash."  
  
Jimmy attempted to suppress a smile. She called? He was surprised. "Oh, that's cool," he said, covering his extreme happiness.  
  
"She's all over you, dude. How do you do it?" Spinner asked.  
  
A mischievous grin crossed Jimmy's face. "That, my friend, is a secret."  
  
Spinner rolled his eyes and belched again.  
  
------  
  
Liberty walked around her neighborhood Saturday afternoon, thinking about nothing in particular. She was feeling very sad and lonely. Nobody seemed to understand her at all. She had been circling the neighborhood for about an hour, hoping that she'd realize what she needed to do to make herself feel better. But nothing was coming to her.  
  
She knew she was upset over JT, but she also knew that she had other priorities and that boys shouldn't matter. She'd discovered that whether she liked it or not, this was a part of growing up, no matter how mature she appeared to be. Liberty plopped herself down on the curb of the street, when someone tapped her on the shoulder.  
  
"Um, hey, Liberty," a delicate voice said.  
  
She turned to face the person. It was Manny. Manny was the only other girl from school who lived in the same neighborhood as Liberty, so it wasn't a surprise that she was roaming around as well.  
  
"Manny..." Liberty said. Part of her wanted to just stand up and rip her chocolate colored eyes out and the other part of her wanted to spill all of the bottled up feelings she had about her and JT. But instead, she kept silent.  
  
"I just wanted to say, you know, that I'm sorry for spazzing out on you like I did the other day. You know, when I accused you of complaining to Raditch..."  
  
"I remember." What was Liberty supposed to do? Forgive the bitch who'd wrongfully taken JT from her? She knew she wasn't being fair, but this meant so, so much to her...  
  
"Well, I hope you know that I'm so sorry for that mess. I'm hoping maybe we can...I don't know, be friends again?"  
  
What the hell was wrong with this child? Liberty did not understand. Why would a girl like Manny, who has done the one thing that she knew had hurt Liberty, want to be friends with her? There was something seriously messed up with this. But, in someway, it felt nice that Manny was _actually_ sorry for her actions, even if it wasn't the one she should be _really _sorry for.  
  
"I guess it's alright," Liberty mumbled.  
  
Manny sat down on the curb next to her. They sat there for a few moments, in complete silence.  
  
Finally, Manny broke it. "I'm sorry for being such a bitch over the past few months. I just don't know who I am anymore."  
  
Liberty soon became uncomfortable. How was she supposed to react? She couldn't tell if Manny was being sincere or not. This could just be some rotten scheme. That sounded like something she would do nowadays.  
  
"I can't say that it's okay, if that's what you're expecting to here. Because you've been really cruel, you know."  
  
She sighed. "I know. Now everyone hates me."  
  
"Not JT," Liberty mumbled.  
  
"What was that?" she asked.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Oh, okay. Anyways, I don't know what to do. I mean, there's just such a long list of people that would rather see me dead. I've ruined everything."  
  
"You need to do some serious soul-searching, Manny. Just do what I do, ask your self what you need the most at the time and then just go for it. It may not work all of the time, but it can't hurt any worse," Liberty told her.  
  
Manny took in her words. Finally, she looked at Liberty. "You're right, you're absolutely right." She stood up and began headed towards her house.  
  
"Where are you going?" Liberty asked.  
  
"I've got a few calls to make," she replied and ran off. 


	15. Confrontations

A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed! =)  
  
Chapter Fifteen- Confrontations  
  
Manny courageously confronted Craig Manning Monday morning. She had five minutes before the homeroom bell rang, so she decided to have a chat with him. She found him at his locker in the grade ten hallway, throwing books inside. She went up to him and lightly tapped him on the shoulder. He spun around.  
  
"Manny!" he said, surprised to see her talking to him.  
  
"Craig, I just...I know this is stupid of me, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry about everything. I totally messed things up for you. I just hope you can forgive me for all of this..."  
  
Craig was silent for a while. Finally, he opened his mouth to say something, but immediately shut it.  
  
"What's wrong?" she asked, her big, round eyes looking up at him.  
  
"This is kind of...random, Manny. This was a long time ago and—"  
  
"I understand that. I've just needed some time to sort things out myself. I heard about you and Ashley, and I decided that maybe I was wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have interfered because I figured since you guys got back together that you really did love her and—"  
  
He cut her off. "I don't love Ashley."  
  
Confusion filled Manny's face. "Then why—"  
  
She was cut off again. "I thought I loved her, Manny. But I don't. The truth was I couldn't get my mind off of...you."  
  
Manny's heart leapt up to her throat. Did he really still care about her after all of this time? She wanted to cry, but she held in her tears of happiness and joy and remained calm.  
  
"Craig, I—"she started the sentence, but was interrupted when she heard someone from behind her call her name. It was JT.  
  
"Hey, Manny. Craig." He sent an icy look Craig's way.  
  
"Um, JT, do you think you could give us a few minutes. We're kind of in the middle of something," she explained.  
  
"Well, you don't want to be late for homeroom or anything..." JT said, looking for an excuse to steal her away from Craig.  
  
Manny sighed. "I'll be there on time. Don't worry about it. You go on to class; I'll catch up with you later."  
  
Hurt and jealous, JT turned in the other direction and walked off.  
  
----  
  
JT trudged into homeroom and took his seat next to Liberty.  
  
"JT, you alright?" Liberty asked him.  
  
"Liberty, you were right. I thought you were wrong, I was hoping that you were wrong, but no, you were right again."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Manny and Craig. You were right. She's still hung up on him," JT answered.  
  
Liberty didn't know whether to feel happy that her plan had worked, or guilty for hurting JT. But he deserved it, didn't he?  
  
"Why do you say that?"  
  
He sighed. "I found her talking to Craig in the halls just a second ago. She basically told me to get lost. She's still interested. You were right. She was just using me."  
  
"JT, I'm so sorry," Liberty said compassionately. Her conscience was eating at her now. Maybe she shouldn't have done this, but on the other hand, it didn't look like Manny and JT were going to last much longer...  
  
She was finally getting another chance.  
  
He shrugged. "It doesn't matter. Stupid of me to think I actually had a chance, right?"  
  
"Don't say that," Liberty said softly, although she knew that it was stupid for him to go after Manny.  
  
Manny came in momentarily and glanced at JT, giving him a wink.  
  
JT was bewildered. She kept throwing mixed signals at him left and right and it was starting to annoy him. But he kept his hopes up. That wink obviously meant nothing good had come out of her little chat with Craig.  
  
Liberty looked at him. "I just can't believe you're letting her play with your emotions like that."  
  
He just gave her a look, attempting to dismiss that comment.  
  
------  
  
"Okay, seriously, Ellie, you're starting to freak me out. You've been happy-happy-joy-joy, like, all morning and it's starting to give me chills. What's the deal?" Paige asked Ellie as they exited their first period class.  
  
Ellie was spacing out. It took her a few seconds to realize that Paige had said anything. "Hmm?" she said.  
  
Paige rolled her eyes. "This wouldn't have anything to with Saturday now, would it?"  
  
"Of course not, Paige, what are you talking about?" Ellie demanded, finally snapping out of her daydreaming state.  
  
The truth was she had been elated all weekend long. Spinner had obviously given the message to Jimmy that she had called, because he had called back. They had stayed up until two in the morning talking. It had seemed like a dream to Ellie, because no one ever called her. Especially not any guy. But then again, Jimmy wasn't just any guy. He made her weak in the knees and as much as she hated it, she loved it at the same time.  
  
"Oh, please," she said.  
  
"Oh, Honeybee," a voice called from behind Paige. Spinner came up to her and Ellie, putting his arm around Paige. Ellie tried to refrain from gagging at the lame nickname.  
  
"Could you guys please stop using names like 'honeybee' when I'm around? Thanks," Ellie said.  
  
"Oh, come on, hon, you know it's cute," Paige teased.  
  
Ellie rolled her eyes. "As if," she quipped and headed down the hallway for her next class, second period English. She met up with Jimmy somewhere on the way. He was talking with Craig about something but stopped when he saw her.  
  
"Hey, El," he greeted as they headed for their next class.  
  
Ellie smiled and said hello shyly. She couldn't believe she was acting like this.  
  
"So, you wanna come over today? To hang out?" Jimmy asked her.  
  
Ellie was practically dancing inside. Over? At his house? She was in heaven.  
  
"Yeah, I'd love to," she answered, as they reached Mrs. Kwan's class.  
  
------  
  
The lunch bell rang after fourth period. Ellie gathered her stuff and left her gym class. Paige found her at her locker and told her that they were all eating outside today.  
  
Ellie was still surprised that Paige wanted her as part of her circle of friends. This was all new to her, since she was so used to being the loner that no one ever gave a second look.  
  
"Thanks, Paige," she said meaningfully.  
  
"Anytime, hon. You're pretty cool," she smirked. "Anyways, I gotta go, Spinner awaits."  
  
Ellie laughed and rolled her eyes as Paige walked away. She finally got all of her things together and shut her locker, when she heard someone behind her calling her name.  
  
"Ellie! I'd like a word with you." It was Hazel.  
  
"Um, sure. What's up?" she asked.  
  
"You're what's up! Why do you think you can just interfere with my friends? You've never liked us before, Ellie. Why now? Oh, right, because you're so chummy with Jimmy now. Well, guess what? It was me he liked, way before you! You think you can just-"  
  
"Whoa, hold on. I'm not trying to steal your friends. I'm sorry if you feel excluded or whatever, but that's really not my fault," Ellie told her.  
  
She was outraged. Okay, so, yes, she'd noticed that Hazel had been a bit left out of the group, but Paige said that Hazel understood, and that everything was fine.  
  
"Whatever, Nash. You've just been warned." With that, she stormed off.  
  
Ellie sighed and went outside to join Paige and Posse to eat her lunch.  
  
"Ellie, what's wrong? You look like you just saw somebody die," Paige commented.  
  
"No, I just had a lovely encounter with Hazel," she explained. "What's going on with you two? Because she's attacking me for it."  
  
Paige rolled her eyes. "She's just jealous of you, so she stopped hanging out with us. It's her choice, no big deal."  
  
"Okay, whatever you say," Ellie mumbled. 


	16. Butterflies

**A/N:** Ahh, I've been having major writers' block for this story...but I forced myself to sit down and get this chapter out. Thank you all though, for the awesome reviews! Hope you like.

**Chapter Sixteen**- Butterflies  
  
"That's so cool of you, Hazel," Paige said sarcastically to her friend as they entered fifth period class, "threatening Ellie Nash because you're so jealous."  
  
Hazel gave her a look as if she had no idea what she was talking about. "What?" she asked.  
  
Paige rolled her eyes and took her seat, which did happen to right next to Hazel's. "Just drop it, okay? She hasn't done anything to you."  
  
"Since when did you become such great friends with the vampire anyways?" she snapped back.  
  
"Since I stopped judging people, Hazel. Try it some time," Paige barked and ignored her the rest of the day.

* * *

Ellie Nash was freaking out. With only a half an hour left before the school day ended, she was going crazy. Because in thirty minutes she'd be on her way to –where?—oh that's right, Jimmy's house. She wouldn't have Paige there for moral support or anything. No, it would just be her and Jimmy. Alone. It was a nerve-wracking thought, because when had Ellie Nash ever been alone with a guy she liked before? What if she did something completely stupid or—  
  
She told herself to snap out of it. This wasn't like her at all. He was just a guy...that was it, just a guy. She never cared what anyone thought about her; not her friends, not her family...so why was this so different?  
  
She sighed and took a deep breath, attempting to pay attention to whatever it was they were learning about in math today and shake all thoughts of Jimmy out of her head...at least for the next half hour. She was obviously still too distracted, because she nearly jumped out of her seat when she felt someone tap her on the shoulder. Paige's perfectly manicured hands slung over her right shoulder, handing her a note. Ellie took the folded piece of paper and began to carefully open it.  
  
_ Excited about your date with Jimmy?_  
  
Ellie rolled her eyes and scribbled back, _it's not a date,_ and tossed the note over her shoulder and onto Paige's desk. She didn't even have to turn around to know that Paige was probably rolling her eyes with that little smirk on her face as if she knew everything and Ellie was an innocent little girl who knew nothing about life.  
  
Seconds later that same hand was over Ellie's shoulder again passing her the paper back.  
  
_Hon, it's definitely a date. Sure, he's not taking you out to some gorgeous restaurant, but it will have to do.  
_  
She sighed and wrote back:  
  
_ Whatever. Who would want to go to a fancy restaurant anyways?_  
  
She tossed it back to Paige and she handed it back to her with a reply that read:  
  
_ Try every girl in the whole school...well, except for you, obviously.  
_  
Ellie turned around to glare at Paige. She just smiled and waved her fingers and went back to taking educational notes written on the board.  
  
She was startled when the final bell of the day rang. She was practically shaking underneath all of the dark clothes she wore. The students filed out of the classroom and headed for their lockers.  
  
Ellie slowly walked to the location of her locker, when Ashley stopped her.  
  
"Hey, El," she said.  
  
"Um, hey, Ash," she replied.  
  
"What are you doing today? I was thinking that maybe you could come over and we could watch movies and pig out on ice cream?" Ashley said. This was her new method of trying to get over Craig. She had been mopey and depressed ever since Craig had told her it was finally over between them. And even if Ellie didn't have plans, she wasn't sure she wanted to be a part of Ashley's.  
  
"Well, actually, Ash, I sort of have other plans," she replied.  
  
Ashley frowned. "What other plans?"  
  
Did she have to be so nosey? Ellie thought. "Well, Jimmy invited me over and I..."  
  
"Jimmy?" she asked, looking disgusted. "You're going to go run off with Jimmy instead of..."  
  
Ellie didn't want to hear her rant. She was going to try to make her feel guilty for wanting to spend time with some boy instead of her so- called "best friend" in time of need. But when had Ashley ever been there for her?  
  
"Yes, Ashley, I am. I'm not going to stop everything I'm doing because you got your poor little heart broken again. I'm not going to drop everything. I do have a life, you know? You can't always expect me to be around whenever you need me," Ellie snapped and walked off.  
  
She found her locker and began furiously twirling the combination. She grabbed her bag and threw all the books she needed in there, when Jimmy came up to her followed by Paige and Spinner.  
  
"Ready to go?" Jimmy asked.  
  
Ellie's heart started to race and she began to get panicky again. _Breathe,_ she told herself, _just breathe._  
  
"Well, you two have fun," Paige said and winked at Ellie. "Come on, Honeybee." She dragged him along with her, leaving Ellie and Jimmy alone.  
  
They reached his house in minutes.  
  
"Nice place," Ellie commented.  
  
"Yeah, it is," Jimmy agreed and headed over to the kitchen counter where he noticed a box of pizza lying there untouched. "Ooh, pizza," he said happily and opened the box.  
  
Ellie followed him over and saw a note attached to the counter next to the pizza box.  
  
"Jimmy, not going to be home until late. We ordered you pizza for dinner. Love, mom and dad," Ellie read to him. She watched as his face fell and felt bad. She didn't know what to say though, because she knew what it was like being in that situation and wouldn't want anyone to feel sorry for her.  
  
"Oh well, not like it's anything new," he replied. "Pizza?" he offered, handing her a slice.  
  
"What? No plates?" she asked with a smirk, taking the pizza.  
  
"Nah, make a mess. I really don't think my parents will care much," he said, as he took a seat at the kitchen table.  
  
Ellie bit her lip for a moment and then took a seat as well.  
  
"So what was up with Ashley? She ran into me in the hall and stared me down," he said, sounding slightly amused.  
  
"Oh, she was just pissed off because she wanted me to wallow in self- pity with her instead of come here," Ellie said, taking a bite of her pizza. "Told her it wasn't my thing and she got mad. She thinks I'm abandoning her or something."  
  
"Like you've never wallowed in self-pity before," Jimmy commented.  
  
"I don't," she replied simply.  
  
"Really," he said. She noticed his eyes glance down at her arms. She knew what he had meant.  
  
"That's not the same thing," she told him seriously.  
  
"Tearing up your skin because you hate your life isn't pitying yourself?" he questioned.  
  
Ellie took a deep breath. This wasn't going the way she had planned. Not at all.  
  
"You don't understand," she told him.  
  
"I think you're the one who doesn't understand," he spoke softly. "When's the last time you did it?"  
  
"I don't think that's any of your business," she answered, tugging at her black sleeve as if Jimmy would grab her arm and force her to show him the cuts.  
  
"When, Ellie?" he demanded. She didn't look at him. She kept her eyes focused on the table.  
  
"Three days ago," she mumbled softly.  
  
"Three days ago?!" he exclaimed, looking angry. "How can you do that to yourself, Ellie? It doesn't make sense."  
  
"Not to you. But to me it feels right," she said. She didn't like that he was making her feel like the dumbest person to walk to face of earth. Maybe she really was...  
  
She felt like she was on the verge of tears, when Jimmy said, "I'm sorry for shouting. The only reason Paige and I and everyone else interrogates you is because we care. And we want to understand, but we can't."  
  
Ellie looked up at him. He cared? About her?  
  
"I don't want to make you guys worry. It's just that...it's so hard to stop. I want to, I really do, but once I get really upset, it's just so hard to control myself and I..." her voice trailed off. She felt stupid talking about this. She was sick of people looking down on her.  
  
"Well if you want to stop, get help. Is it really that hard?" Jimmy asked her.  
  
"Yes, it is. Because...I don't think I can."  
  
"You can do whatever you want to, Ellie. And if you ever need help you can always talk to me, or Paige or Spinner," he said and then froze. "Okay, on second thought maybe talking to Spinner is a bad idea..."  
  
Ellie laughed. "Thanks, Jimmy," she said sincerely.  
  
"Anytime," he said and stood up to go get some more pizza. "Want some more?" he offered.  
  
"Yeah, sure," she replied.  
  
He held it in his hand as if he were about to throw it at her.  
  
"You wouldn't," she said warningly.  
  
"I would. Think fast," he said quickly, hurling the piece of pizza at her. She didn't think fast enough because the pizza fell into her lap, staining her skirt with sauce. Her jaw dropped open and she stood up and whacked Jimmy on the shoulder.  
  
"You suck," she muttered, grabbing paper towels to wipe off her skirt. Jimmy just laughed.  
  
"Don't worry, it'll come out," he said as he noticed her scrubbing away at her skirt.  
  
"It better. Or you owe me thirty bucks," she snapped, trying to be appear angry, but her eyes were glittering with amusement.  
  
A second later they heard the door open. Both of them froze.  
  
"Knock, knock," came an awfully familiar voice. Ellie and Jimmy let out a sigh of relief.  
  
"Spinner, man, what are you doing here?" Jimmy demanded as he entered the kitchen with Paige at his side.  
  
"Just checking in," he replied. "Hey, is that pizza?" he added, going over to grab a slice.  
  
"Hey, guys," Paige greeted with a smile.  
  
Ellie felt a twinge of anger towards Paige and Spinner. This was supposed to be her and Jimmy's time...  
  
"Sorry," Paige said to Jimmy, "I told Spin we should've knocked, but he has no manners."  
  
"Uh, sure, no problem," he said.  
  
"So what have you two been up to?" she asked.  
  
"Nothing," Ellie replied.  
  
Paige raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh." She then began going off about something or another, when Ellie heard her cell phone ring. She grabbed her phone out of her bag, motioning for everyone to be quiet.  
  
"Hello?" she greeted.  
  
She listened to the person on the other end of the line for a moment. Ellie's eyes widened and she nearly dropped the phone.

* * *

**End chapter. Muaha. Who's on the other end of the line? Will Ellie and Jimmy ever have some alone time? And don't forget about the JT/Manny/Liberty-ness! But to find out you must review.  
  
I know it took me forever to get this chapter out, but I was having some issues. The next chapter should be out soon...I've been hit with inspiration after writing this one. And plus, I don't want to leave you all hanging...**


	17. Accepting the Truth

**A/N:** squeals Yay! Thanks for the reviews. They all made me smile. Positive reviews make my world go 'round. So, here's chapter seventeen. I'm not sure how much longer it's going to be...I guess until I feel it should end. Which could be whenever. =) This is the longest fanfiction I've ever written, which is exciting. Woo hoo. Okay, so now, read.   
  
**Chapter Seventeen-** Accepting the Truth  
  
"Ellie, what is it? You've gone pale. Are you okay?" Paige said frantically, putting her hand on her forehead.   
  
Ellie smacked away Paige's hand. "My dad...he's home! He's actually...wow...I can't believe it, he's finally home!" He had been the one who had called her cell, curious as to where she was. She broke out into a huge grin and began to shriek.   
  
"That's so awesome, El!" Paige told her and gave her hug.   
  
Tears sprang to Ellie's eyes and she ran into Jimmy's arms after Paige let her go. "I can't believe this! You guys, I have to get home! I'll see you all later..."   
  
She anxiously gathered her things when Jimmy asked, "Want me to walk you home?"   
  
She nodded her head vigorously, still trying to absorb the fact that her dad...the one who had been gone for months...was home. For good. At least for now. She clasped his hand and Spinner and Paige walked with them outside. They separated not far from Jimmy's place.   
  
"This is so exciting. My dad's home. _Home._ Do you know how long I've waited for this day? My mom will finally get back on track. We can be a family again. I've wanted this for the longest time...I just," she took a deep breath. "It's just. Wow. I won't believe it until I see him."   
  
"I'm really happy for you, El. You deserve it," Jimmy said sincerely.   
  
She smiled and looked ahead, shielding her eyes from the sun.   
  
"Thanks," she replied, giving his hand a slight squeeze.   
  
They drew closer and closer to the Nash residence and Ellie was getting more and more antsy to reunite with her dad. They reached the corner that led to her house.   
  
"So, I guess I'll let you go be with your dad," Jimmy said to her.   
  
"Thanks for everything. I mean it."   
  
"It's no problem. I'd do anything for you, Ellie."   
  
She blushed slightly. And then next thing she knew his arms were around her waist and his lips upon hers.   
  
She was kissing Jimmy Brooks. She was kissing Jimmy Brooks and her father was only a few steps away. This day couldn't get any better.   
  
----  
  
JT was having the worst day of his life. Manny had practically ignored him throughout the day and Liberty wouldn't take five minutes to just shut up. So it went like this. JT asked Manny to the dance, she had accepted, they go out, have fun (or so he thought), then she runs off and starts spending all of her free time with Craig. It didn't make sense.   
  
He'd spent his entire morning classes trying to sort things out. What had he done wrong? She had liked him...right? So why was she being so friendly with Craig all of a sudden?   
  
He had confronted her after fifth period, demanding an explanation.   
  
"JT, what are you talking about?" Manny asked uncomfortably.   
  
"What's going on...with us? You practically lead me on and now you're running off with Craig every free chance you get. It doesn't make sense," he told her.   
  
She glanced at the floor for a moment and then averted her gaze back to him. "Craig's just helping me sort some things out, okay?"   
  
"What could he possibly help you 'sort out'?" JT demanded angrily.   
  
"Things you wouldn't understand, alright?" Manny replied.   
  
"You're right, Manny, I don't understand. Because all you've been doing is messing with my emotions and not giving me a straight signal. It's me, then Craig, then me and back to Craig again! Make up your mind!" he said, his voice rising slightly.   
  
She looked near tears. Part of him wanted to pull her into his arms and apologize, but the other part of him wanted to yell at her some more and make her understand how she'd been treating him.   
  
"JT...please...I can't...I can't talk about this now, okay? I-I've got to go to class. You do too," she said, her voice quavering. She slowly turned in the other direction and walked off.   
  
"I don't need you to tell me what to do," he retorted. She didn't look back. She just kept walking ahead, her books clutched to her chest.   
  
------  
  
He couldn't possibly understand the things I'm going through, Manny thought, referring to JT, as she lay in bed that night. She was bundled under her comforter, staring at the wall ahead of her.   
  
She knew she had freaked out on him when he talked to her earlier that day. She was absolutely pathetic. She couldn't even get out the words to tell him the real truth.   
  
She wanted it to work. She wanted to be able to be with JT and have the time of her life, to forget about everything that had happened to her the past year. But she couldn't do that. He deserved so much better than her. She was a tramp, a whore, a two-faced bitch...whatever it was they were calling her nowadays. Manny was never going to live her new image down. It was throwing her into a depression...and the only person who could ever truly understand was Craig.   
  
She had really tried to take Liberty's advice...and do some soul-searching. But that hadn't worked. She'd left numerous messages on Emma Nelson's answering machine, she'd tried talking to Ashley...and all of it failed. Miserably. She was doomed to be alone forever. It was what she deserved.   
  
She couldn't put JT through all of this. He needed someone who could have fun with him, who could laugh with him, who could have the time of her life with him. That wasn't Manny. As much as she wanted it to be her, it wasn't.  
  
Because as much as she wanted to not believe it, she still held feelings for Craig Manning.   
  
So what if she had spent her lunch period with him, and met him in the hallways after classes? Even if she felt nothing for Craig in that way, what business was it of JT's? It wasn't like they had been doing this forever. It was one day. Just one day.   
  
And he had freaked out. And then she freaked out. And everything was just one big mess at the moment.   
  
She knew she had to tell JT that things between them just weren't working out. But she couldn't hurt his feelings. She buried her face in her hands and promised herself that tomorrow she would talk to him about it. She just really needed her sleep first.   
  
She reached over and turned out her light. Slowly, she fell into a deep sleep.   
  
-----  
  
Ellie had to admit, it was weird with her dad being home now. It was great, because he had a lot to tell her and she had a lot to tell him, but he had been gone so long.   
  
They had stayed up most of the night talking about everything. She was always very close to her father and she was glad he was home. Before she went to bed though, she'd heard her mom and dad arguing. Him yelling at her, saying she didn't do a good job taking care of the house and Ellie when he was gone, her shouting back that he never should have left the family and that it was his fault she ended up the way she did.   
  
It went on for a good twenty minutes, and finally it stopped. They had to work things out. They had to be the family they were before he left. Her mother was going to be okay and they were going to do normal family things. She was sure of it. Well, almost sure, anyways.

* * *

**A/N:** Kind of short...I don't know how much I like this chapter, but I needed to clear that all up. I think I'm going to have maybe 20 chapters? I'm not positive yet, that's just a guess. Well, review please, and let me know what you think. =) 


	18. Things Are Changing

**A/N: **You reviewers are so awesome! A HUGE thanks to every single one of you who have taken the time to read **and **review my story. It means so much to me. Well, here's chapter 18!

**Chapter Eighteen- **Things Are Changing

Ellie awoke the smell of bacon early the next morning. She peeled off her blanket and sat up in her bed. She stretched, ran her fingers through her hair and headed down to the kitchen. There she found her father in front of the stove, apron and all, making breakfast. She'd definitely missed this.

"Morning, dad," she greeted, going over to the fridge and pulling out a carton of orange juice. She made her way over to the cabinets when her dad turned to face her.

"Morning, sunshine," he replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She smiled and poured myself a glass of juice.

"You're up early," she commented, going over to where he was cooking, to inspect his work. "Mmm, looks good."

"I wanted to make you something to eat before you had to leave for school," he told her, getting ready to scoop the bacon onto her plate.

She smiled again and took the plate from her dad and taking it to her seat at the table. He began to crack eggs into a new pan and asked her, "Scrambled?"

"As always," she answered, starting to munch on her bacon. "Where's mom?"

He slightly stiffened at the question, and then Ellie remembered their argument the night before.

"She's upstairs," he said, not looking at his daughter.

"Oh."

Minutes later, breakfast was ready and her and her father ate their first meal in months together. Ellie's mother came down just when she was finishing what was left on her plate.

"Morning," Ellie had muttered, not in the state to carry on conversation with her. She rinsed her dishes and placed them in the dishwasher. She told her dad thanks for breakfast and she went up to her room to get ready for school.

"Manny, why don't you just tell me what's going on?" JT had said, grabbing her arm and pulling her towards him after she had tried to walk away.

They stood outside the school and with only several minutes until the bell rang, JT was determined to get Manny to talk to him.

"JT, please...don't do this," she had pleaded softly, not making eye contact with him. "Not here..."

"Then where, Manny?" he had practically shouted. "This is getting old. This is getting so old!"

He was making her uncomfortable. She didn't like that he was getting so upset.

"Stop it. Just stop it, for once. Okay? I'm in no mood..."

His eyes narrowed slightly and the look of fury upon his face was enough to make Manny squirm. "But you're always in the mood to talk to Craig."

That's it. She'd had enough. "Okay, the jealousy thing? It really needs to stop!" she said with disgust in her voice. "You are not the only person in my life."

"I didn't say I was."

"You're sure acting like it," she said quietly.

"Manny, please, I just want to understand."

She looked up at him, tears threatening to spill. Not again. "It's just...hard. Give me some time. Please."

He was silent for a few moments before nodding his head slightly. She smiled faintly, her gaze back on the ground.

"Are we still on for the dance?" he asked, just as the bell rang. A mob of kids headed for the Degrassi doors.

She didn't know what to say to his question. "I-I don't know," she said faintly, before turning around and entering the building. For the second time, she had left JT confused and heartbroken.

"I want an A on this project and if you're going to sit around and...mope like this than I will gladly ask Ms. Hatzilakos for another partner," Liberty said to her lab buddy, JT in science class that morning.

JT had hardly spoken a word since his confrontation with Manny earlier and Liberty was getting annoyed.

"Now are you going to go get the rest of the supplies or am I going to be doing all of the work...again?" she continued.

"Yeah, whatever," he mumbled, slouching down in his chair and staring at the blackness of the lab table.

"Ugh!" she screeched. "Whatever trouble it is that you are having with Manny, save it for another time. My science grade is lowering each day and you are not helping at all!"

He threw an annoyed glance. "It's not something _you _would understand, Liberty."

"I resent that," she muttered, examining something through the microscope sitting in front of her.

"Well, it's true," he snapped.

"Granted, you have a little more experience than I, but I believe I know a little more about the way the mind works than you would, JT," Liberty said coolly, taking her eye away from the microscope and scribbling something down on her paper.

JT gave a small snort. "Right."

Liberty just shrugged.

He was silent for the next minute or so. Finally, he spoke.

"I just don't get it. She keeps running off to Craig. What's so special about him? And why _now_? It makes no sense!" he rambled in frustration.

"Give her some time. You know how badly things went with her and Craig," she paused. "And Ashley. She's lost. She can't...decide."

JT gave her a look. "Decide what?"

Liberty just stared at him with 'what-do-you-think?' look. And for the first time it hit him.

_Decide between me and Craig,_ he thought.

"She...she still likes _him_?" he stammered.

Placing a hand on her hip, she gave him a sympathetic look. "Seems that way," she replied. "Now that that's settled, can you go ask Ms. Hatzilakos if this is what the drawing is supposed to look like?" she asked, thrusting her paper at him.

Wordlessly, he stood up and made his way to his teacher's desk.

Ellie was having a great day. She had breezed through her morning classes, but was still glad for the break. Lunch time. She twirled the lock on her locker and opened it up, throwing books inside. As she stood up after slamming the door shut, she felt a pair of arms slip their away around her waist.

"Hey, El," Jimmy greeted.

She turned her head to face him and for the second time, he kissed her.

She could definitely get used to this.

"So," he said a few seconds later, arms still around her waist. "Spring Fling. Are you going?"

"Are you asking me?" she shot back playfully.

"Depends on if you're going or not."

"Well, it depends on if you're asking me," she said.

"Then, yes, I'm asking you."

Her heartbeat picked up and she almost felt the need to pinch herself to see if this was real.

"Then, yes, I'd love to go with you," she answered, releasing herself from his grasp and turning to kiss him.

They walked hand-in-hand to the cafeteria, Ellie feeling the best she had in a while.


	19. Pressure

**Chapter Nineteen-**Pressure

**A/N: **Gosh, I took forever getting this out. School is a terrible thing. ;) Well, here it is. Hope you like it...

"Oh, this totally awesome!" Paige gushed as she and Ellie walked to Paige's house that afternoon when school had ended for the day. "I bet you're so excited, El."

The whole walk to the Michalchuk residence, Paige had been overjoyed that Ellie was going to the Spring Fling. And with Jimmy nonetheless.

"It is pretty cool," Ellie agreed, trying not to freak out like Paige so obviously was.

"We so have to get dresses and I'll do your makeup for you if you want," Paige suggested.

Ellie smiled. She wondered if this was what it was like to have a real friend. She was surprised Paige had stuck around this long, to be honest. She was surprised that Paige had ever been around in the first place. She didn't know where she would be right now if she hadn't had Paige to help her...if Paige had never found about her cutting.

Would they still be at each other's throats? It was almost mind-boggling to Ellie. She figured that everything that had happened to her over the weeks had happened for a reason. A reason she still couldn't quite understand yet, but she decided she'd figure it out with time.

"Do we really have to shop for dresses?" Ellie asked in an I'd-rather-strangle-myself tone.

Paige shot her a glare. "Of _course _we have to shop for dresses! It's the best part of dances!"

Ellie laughed. "Even better than the actual dance?"

She got a dream look in her eyes and replied, "Well, except for when I'm dancing with Spin. It's like—"

Ellie burst out laughing. "Spinner can dance?"

Paige rolled her eyes. "Okay, when I'm _with _Spin. It's magical, almost. Like—"

"Ew, okay, that's enough," Ellie demanded, shuddering.

They came to the Michalchuk house and Paige led her to the kitchen, where Ellie made herself at home.

"Have you thought about what kind of dress you want?" Paige asked, grabbing a couple glasses and pouring each of them some diet soda.

"A black one?" Ellie suggested, not really wanting to think about this.

"Oh, come on, El, spice it up a bit. Doesn't black get just a little bit boring?"

Ellie shook her head. "Not really."

They talked a bit more, and then Ellie decided it was time for her to head home.

--------

She walked into her house to find her mother passed out on the couch.

"DAD!" Ellie called, and then heard footsteps coming down the stairs momentarily.

"What happened?" she asked, gesturing towards her mother, as soon as he reached the bottom stair.

"She's been like this all afternoon," he explained. "Ellie...come with me. We have some things we need to talk about."

He led her into the kitchen and Ellie slowly took a seat. By the tone of her father's voice, she didn't like where this was headed.

"What is it, dad?"

"I think it would be best if...if your mother and I...separated for a little while."

Ellie's jaw dropped. "What?"

"Things have changed, El. We've both decided. We need some time apart."

"Time apart?" she shouted, outraged. "You've been out of the damned country for months! Without me OR mom! And you need some time apart?! Are you kidding me?"

"Ellie, calm down, sweetie..."

"NO! I've lived in this hellhole for almost a year with my pathetic excuse for a mother! WITHOUT you! And now you're just going to leave us?! AGAIN?"

"Eleanor, you know I'd never leave you. I've been looking for a place—"

"A PLACE?! You haven't even been here two days! Can you even AFFORD a new place?"

"I have it under control," he said calmly. "I just need you to stay with your mother for a little while, while I get things sorted out."

Tears made their way down Ellie's cheeks. "You just said you weren't going to leave me!"

"Ellie..."

"NO! You know what? Forget it. Forget you and this screwed up family."

"Let me explain..."

Before he could finish, she had already stormed up the stairs to her bedroom.

---------

Ellie slammed the door behind her, wiping tears from her eyes angrily. She couldn't take this anymore. It was a constant rollercoaster. Some days she felt like she was on top of the world, and then the next day she was knocked down again. Things needed to change.

She threw herself on her bed, sighing in frustration, trying desperately to keep herself from having a breakdown. It had all seemed so simple when she had thought about her dad coming home. Her mother would stop drinking and become more of a real mother. Her father would tell her stories about Kabul and they'd be one, happy family. Just like she had always hoped.

Things had done the exact opposite.

She had always thought so highly of her dad, but now...now he was just being selfish. A real parent should try to work things out, right? So why was he running away from the family he helped create?

Ellie's eyes lingered towards her nightstand. The red letters of her digital alarm clock told her it was almost five-thirty. She groaned, as her eyes then rested upon the black scissors that rested next to the clock. She shut her eyes, resisting the urge. She gave into the temptation as soon as she opened her eyes, though. Grabbing the scissors from her nightstand, she began to roll up her black sleeve.

--------------

"So...Spring Fling, you going?"

Manny bit her lip, as she grabbed a text book out of her locker Tuesday morning. How did she answer this question?

"It's not that hard...you're either going or you're not."

"Well," she began slowly. "JT sort of invited me..."

"Oh," Craig said dejectedly. "Then I guess I should ask someone else, huh?"

"No," Manny said quickly. "I...I want to go with you...but JT..."

"So, just ditch JT."

Manny was silent.

"Unless...you like him or something."

She looked up at him. "JT's one of the only people that's stuck by my side since...well, you know. I owe this to him."

Craig laughed hollowly. "You think you owe him because he likes you and you feel bad because you can't return the feelings?"

"No, it's not like that."

"Then what is it like?"

Manny took in a deep breath.

"What, Manny? You don't owe JT anything...except the truth," Craig told her.

She stared inside her locker for a few seconds before daring to answer. Her lip quavered just slightly. "You're right...you're right."

She slammed her locker shut and started down the hallway.

"Where are you going?" Craig called behind her.

"I'll talk to you later," she mumbled, as the bell rang.

-------------

**A/N: **Eeeeek, hope you all liked it...whew. I'm glad I finally got this done. - It's almost over...ah! The last few chapters are always the hardest for me to write, so yeah. I really had to think about the ending. Okay, I'm done babbling...


	20. Shattered

**Chapter Twenty- **Shattered

"So, there's, um, something I wanted to talk to you about," Manny said nervously as she stood before JT Wednesday morning. JT stood next to his locker, grabbing a textbook and then carelessly slamming the locker door.

"What is it now, Manny?" he said, his voice filled with a mixture of disbelief in anger.

"I just..." she sighed. "I don't know how to say this." She stared down at the tiles of the floor shifting her weight from her right to her left.

"Well, spit it out. I don't have all day," he snapped.

Her head immediately jolted up, so she was staring him in the eyes. "Look, I know you hate me, but—"

"I don't hate you," he said, his voice lowering a bit. "I hate the way you're treating me."

She took in a deep breath. "I know. I'm sorry. But that doesn't mean anything anymore, right? Look...I just wanted to tell you that it's probably best if we just end this right now."

"So you don't want to go to the dance together?" he said, more as statement rather than a question.

She shook her head, tears filling her dark eyes. She shook her head slightly. "I can't."

"Of course. Because it's always about you," he said coldly, and walked right past her.

-------

Ellie sat in the practically empty English classroom that morning, staring at the fresh marks now drawn into her arm, as she waited for Mrs. Kwan and the other students to enter so they could start the lesson.

Her mind seemed to be somewhere else, as she hardly noticed the figure hovering over her.

"Ellie?" a surprised voice said.

She snapped out of her daydreaming so fast she almost fell out of her chair.

"Oh, hey, Jimmy," she said brightly, pulling her black sleeve down over her arm. _Oh, please if there's a God out there, please tell me he didn't see the cuts, please_, she begged silently.

"We need to talk," he said shortly, and took her hand as they exited the classroom.

"Jimmy, where are we going?" she demanded softly, not in the mood to put up a fight.

They walked outside, where they both took a seat on the school steps.

"Ellie, I can't take this anymore," he stated.

She looked up at him. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think?" he replied. When she didn't answer he added, "The cutting thing. It has to stop, El."

"Who are you? My mother or my boyfriend?" she growled.

As soon as she said those words, she immediately wished she could take them back. Never had she called him her boyfriend before, nor had he ever called her his girlfriend. With them it just was. There was no labeling on their relationship. She felt herself blush and look away.

Jimmy didn't to even notice. He kept on. "This is stupid, Ellie. I can't stand to see you hurting yourself. Why?"

"Because what else is there, Jimmy? If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a _freak. _A loser. A psychopath who can't control herself. Whatever. Everyone else hates me, you might as well, too," she told him.

"What are you _talking _about?"

"All you've been doing the past couple days has been questions me about...about...you know! And it's getting so irritating. You're supposed to be my friend, not my counselor," she barked.

"That's what you need, El! I'm trying my best to understand where you're coming from, but I don't get it."

"You're not supposed to," she said, her lip trembling as she fought back tears. "Look, just forget it, okay?"

She started to walk away, but Jimmy grabbed her arm. His hands held her head and he kissed her gently.

"You can't tell me this doesn't mean anything," Jimmy said, his voice barely audible.

Ellie's eyes were wide and she didn't speak for a few seconds. Finally, she blinked and replied, "We all have problems. You don't need to be involved with mine. I'm sorry."

------

She sprinted up the stairs to her bedroom the second she got home. Hurriedly, she locked the door and went into her bathroom. There she pulled out a razor, sat on her toilet, and began adding more and more cuts and scars to her already beat up arms.

Tears flowed down her face as she thought of everything going on in her life. She averted her attention back to her arm seconds later, seeing the blood rushing out of her arm in larger amounts than she had ever experienced. She began to clean up the mess, but all she could see was red.

"Shit," she mumbled, almost panicking.

"Ellie!" she heard her dad calling from outside her door.

She jumped slightly, and then began to wrap her arm. "I'm in the bathroom, dad," she called.

"Well, there's a phone call for you. Paige, I think."

"Give me a minute!"

She cleaned up the mess she had made the best she could, but noticed the blood stain in the carpet as she got on all fours to wipe up.

"Just my luck," she muttered, then exited the bathroom, pulling her arm warmers over her bandaged arm, and went to grab the phone.

She didn't acknowledge her father as she took the phone from him.

"Hey," Ellie greeted, as she pressed the phone to her ear.

"El, please inform me on what's going on," Paige demanded. '

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, I don't know, the fact that you were acting like a total spazoid towards Jimmy today!" she suggested.

"Paige, you don't underst—"

"Oh, cry me a river, Ellie. No one ever understands. Of _course _they're not going to understand if you never talk!"

"Stop it," Ellie said quietly. "Just stop."

"No, you stop! I have way too much pressure on me to get involved with some guy, alright? So respect my decision and get on with your life."

"Jimmy is one of my closest friends, and you just ripped out his heart and tore it to pieces because of your own selfish reasons!" Paige exclaimed.

"Okay, don't be such a drama queen."

Paige burst with laughter. "Me? Oh, that's real funny, hon."

With that, Paige hung up, leaving Ellie to flop down on her bed, eyeing the scissors that still rested on her nightstand.

**A/N: **Okay, so you all have every reason to hate me, but I got totally sidetracked and had to put the story off for a while. I should have the next chapter out tonight if not tomorrow night. I promise I will work on it for all those who still have interest. If not, I understand. It happens. Thanks guys for all the support and sticking with me. I'm very happy. I hope to have this finished soon. 3


	21. Alone Again

**Chapter Twenty-One: **Alone Again

"Dad!" Ellie called from the top of the stairs the following morning. "Where's mom?" she frantically asked, racing down the stairs to the kitchen where she knew her father would be. She saw him sitting at the table, taking a sip of his coffee and reaching for the newspaper.

"Good morning to you too," he said.

"Morning," she mumbled. "Where's mom?"

"She had to leave, honey, she said she'd be back in a little while," he answered, not making eye contact with her. "Have some waffles before you go to school. They're on the counter."

Confused, Ellie walked over to the counter and helped herself to breakfast. She debated inside her head all of the places her mother could be. Who went out at sixty forty-five in the morning?

After breakfast, she quickly got herself ready. She threw on a plaid shirt with knee stockings and she wore arm warmers under her mesh sleeves to hide the hideous bandaged-wrapped gash she had inflicted upon her self last night. She prayed no one would notice, especially Jimmy.

Her heart sunk as she thought of him. Why was she so stupid? It hadn't hit her until now just how much she was going to miss him.

_Remember why you did it, _she told herself. _This isn't about him. It's about you. You need to get grounded and you need to get your life back on track. Then you you'll have time for a boyfriend. Just not right now. _

She laughed at herself. Time for a boyfriend? There would probably never be another one after Jimmy.

She tried to shake all the negative thoughts out of her head. The day hadn't even begun and already she wanted to fall off the face of the earth. She gathered her backpack and school work, and got ready to head downstairs. She stopped as she reached for the switch to turn her light off, though. She walked over to her nightstand and grabbed a couple rubber bands. Sliding them on her wrist, she exited her bedroom.

----

"Craig!" Manny shouted as she found him in the hallway that morning. She ran up to him, a smile plastering her face. "So..." she said mysteriously. "Still need a date for Spring Fling?"

"Well I was actually thinking of asking Hazel..." he said.

Manny slapped him. "You better be kidding."

"Alright, you got me. I'd love to go with you, Manny," he told her.

She squealed, expressing her happiness. "It's gonna _so _much fun, Craig. I can't wait. I'll see you later, 'kay?" she said, and flounced away.

From the corner, Liberty had witnessed this whole scenario. In a way she felt bad for JT. After all, she knew just how much he had like Manny, although she would never understand it. She also felt that this was her chance to prove to JT that she was right for him, so she shouldn't waste her time pitying him.

Quickly, she turned around, only to slam into someone else behind her.

"JT!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing?"

"You got to watch the show, so I figured it was only fair if I did too," he replied.

"Y-you saw that?" she asked. "Craig and—"

"Yeah," he said shortly. "I saw it."

"JT, I'm sorry...you know, about what's happened. I know how much you liked her," she supplied sympathetically.

He shrugged. "It happens. I'll get over it, Liberty."

"Look, if you still need a date, I'll go—"

"Thanks, but no thanks, Liberty. I don't need a date. I just wanted to go with Manny. And sorry, but your not exactly my idea of a fun date," he replied.

Liberty stared at him, and then shrugged. "Whatever. It happens, right?"

-------

Ellie felt alone. Not the I-have-no-friends-color-me-depressed alone, but the everyone-hates-me-what-do-I-do alone. All neither Paige or Jimmy so much as looked at her. The only person that did look at her was Hazel. And the looks she gave weren't exactly welcoming. She needed to talk to someone. So who did she start with? Paige or Jimmy? She immediately crossed Jimmy off her list. He obviously wasn't going to want to talk to her now that she had 'ripped his heart out and torn it to pieces.'

Walking into Media Immersions, she decided she needed to talk to Paige. There was no sign of her in the classroom, though. She saw Jimmy and Spinner sitting together in the same spot that they always did. Spinner saw her and nudged Jimmy, while Jimmy glanced at her for a second then went back to talking to Spinner.

Ellie sighed, almost ready to give up. Her time was up hanging with the popular crowd. It was nice while it lasted, and she had almost thought she had made some real friends. But things always take a turn for the worst when Ellie Nash is involved.

She sat down in a seat on the opposite side of the room from Jimmy and Spinner. She began to start up her computer, when she noticed someone sit down next to her.

It was Spinner.

"Okay, Ellie, what's the deal?" he demanded.

Ellie was silent. What did he want her to say?

"Either talk or I'm not going away," he told her.

Her eyes flickered towards his. "I'm really not in the mood to talk about this. We're in school," she said.

"Jimmy is crushed. Why'd you—"

"And what about what I feel? Isn't that important? You don't know how hard this is for _me_!" she snapped.

"Then why?"

"Why what?"

"Why'd you do it?"

Ellie sighed. "There are just things in my life that need to be sorted out right now."

"You don't have to push people way."

"You have no idea," she replied.

He laughed. "Right," he said, his face growing serious. "Paige and I have been through it all."

"You and Paige are perfect."

Spinner turned his head away in frustration. "No, we're not."

She looked at him for a moment. Something in her made her realize that he was right. They probably weren't as picture perfect and they showed the world to be. No couple was. Ellie knew that for a fact. But something about them seemed that way. The way they always smiled and cuddled with each other...it seemed so natural, that no one ever though that they could have problems just like everyone else.

"Okay," she said gently, not wanting to pry and get him upset. "I understand. But this is different."

"Yeah," he snorted. "Because you can't admit that you really care about him."

"I can too!" she snapped in defense, then realized she sounded childish. "Look, it's just hard for me. My family is a mess right now and they need me."

"So does Jimmy! Okay, I've learned through this relationship thing that you will always have someone by your side. Don't bottle it up. It's better to talk about it. And who better to talk with than Jimmy!" he said.

Ellie gave him a strange look. When did _Spinner _become so wise? They had never gotten along for the sole reason she thought he was the world's biggest moron. But now, here, he seemed so different.

"What? Is there something on my face?" he said, in reaction to the look she shot at him.

"No, you just surprise me," she stated.

Spinner shrugged. "I'm a man of many talents," he joked. "Look, just talk to the dude, alright? Tell him what you told me, okay?"

"I'll try."

"Pinky promise," he demanded and held out his pinky to her.

She grinned. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Do it," he urged. "Or I'm never going away."

She sighed. Giving in, she laced her pinky with his and laughed at how ridiculous they probably looked.

**A/N: **Yay for chapter 21! Thanks for the reviews guys...I seem to have lost some interest in the story, but that happens. I liked writing this chapter, so I hope to have the next one out soon. Review please. ï


	22. One Step Closer

**Chapter Twenty-Two: **One Step Closer

"Ellie."

Silence.

"Ellie!"

Nothing.

"ELLIE!"

"What?" she snapped, looking over to find Ashley Kerwin standing in front of her. She had abandoned people and left the cafeteria to eat lunch outside. She was squinting to keep the sun out of her eyes, and though she desperately longed to roll up the sleeves that covered her arm to cool off, she knew that was no option.

"You're really out of it," Ashley stated.

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Do you have something say? Because I'm trying to eat." She took a hunk out of her sandwich.

"I just wanted to say….you know, that I'm sorry about our argument a couple days ago. I overreacted…"

"Wow. It took you four days to notice this?" Ellie snapped, swallowing her food.

"I've just been…on such an emotional rollercoaster, since, well, you know."

Ellie didn't look at her. She wasn't in the mood to deal with Ashley. She wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone.

"Okay," Ellie said finally.

"Okay?"

"You heard me, Ash. I don't want to have a girlie bonding moment right now. I have other things to worry about."

"So I'm not important now, is that it?" Ashley barked.

"What?" Ellie shrieked, annoyed. "You know what? Forget it. You wasted your time, Ash, coming over here."

"El, what's wrong with you?" she asked, concern in her voice.

"Nothing," Ellie replied, looking away, fighting the tears. "Just a really bad day, that's all."

Ashley sat down. "Marco and I miss you, you know."

She sent a confused look her way.

"Ever since you started hanging out with Paige, you've changed," Ashley supplied.

"I have not," she said defensively. "I'm still me."

"Yeah, a twisted version of you. You always used to tell me how much you hated people like Paige and Spinner, and even Jimmy. For the past couple of weeks, they've been your entire life. You're so consumed with what they think of you, you don't even care about your old friends," Ashley explained sadly.

Denial and guilt surged through Ellie. "You're so wrong, it's almost funny."

"Ellie, you know I'm right." She laughed, "I'm surprised you haven't started wearing pink and counting calories."

"Oh, _bullshit, _Ash!" Ellie exclaimed. "What happened to your days being friends with them? People change, Ashley, is that such a crime? God, for one second could you just think about someone other than your own damn self and maybe, like, get a life!"

Both the girls were surprised at Ellie's outburst. Tears were flowing down Ellie's cheeks, and Ashley was at a loss for words.

"I…" Ellie's voice trailed off. Saying sorry was not an option. Both knew that the words that had just sprung from her mouth were honest. She had meant every syllable. Ellie sniffed, and wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

"Save it, El," Ashley snapped, standing up. She slowly walked away, hoping that maybe Ellie would call her back and they could talk. Just like old times. But she never did, so Ashley left, leaving Ellie with nothing to comfort her but her tears.

--------

"I can't believe your going with Craig," Emma said in the hallway to Manny, half-excited, half-annoyed. "I mean, what did JT have to say about this?"

Manny shrugged. "I didn't mean to hurt him...I just didn't know what else to do."

Manny was surprised Emma was still talking to her. She talked to Emma earlier about how badly things had gone down between them, and they both decided that it would be nice to try to repair the friendship they had broken.

Emma just nodded.

"You should ask him to the dance," Manny suggested, grinning at Emma.

She laughed. "No, thanks. Plus, I'm trying to enjoy being single. You know how cursed I am with relationships."

"It's not you, Em. It's them," Manny said.

Emma half-smiled. "Thanks."

"It's only the truth."

"Ooh," Manny squealed, pointing across the hall. "Let's go talk to Craig before the bell rings."

Emma rolled her eyes, but smiled, as she let Manny link arms with her and drag her down the hallway.

Manny liked the connection she and Emma had. But after all, they had once been the best of friends. Though much had changed, deep down inside somewhere they were still the same little girls who used to borrow each other's clothes and read teen magazines just because they thought it was the cool thing to do.

-------

_Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. _She'd been snapping the rubber band around her wrist automatically for almost ten minutes straight. She'd glance from the clock and then back to her wrist, snapping without thinking about it at all. She let go of the rubber band for the final time, and ripped a piece of paper out of her notebook. She picked up her pen and scribbled, _this whole grudge thing is stupid. meet me after class. _

She folded the note once then passed it back to Paige. She heard her sigh, and carefully open the paper. Seconds later, a reply was thrown onto her desk. Ellie unfolded it and in Paige's curvy writing, _whatever you say. See you after math. i'll give you a ride home. _

-----

She had been waiting by Paige's car for so long, Ellie was just about to give up and just walk home. When she felt she was close to dying of boredom, Paige came walking down the parking lot.

"That took forever," Ellie whined.

Paige shrugged. "Okay, Ellie, in all honesty, I don't feel like being bestest buddies right now. So can we just get on with this."

Ellie took in a deep breath. "Look. I know things with Jimmy are horrible right now, but why can't you just respect my decision? I know what I'm doing, okay? And I thought we were actually becoming friends. Maybe I was wrong."

Paige stood, arms crossed, looking bothered. She said nothing.

"And I know things haven't been going great lately…or at all. But I really just want to start over," she said quickly. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone."

"Yeah, well, you did," Paige barked.

Ellie sighed, dropping her head. "This is hopeless!" she covered her face in her hands.

"Ellie, what's—oh my God," Paige said. "Your arm! Ellie! What did you do?"

The white of the bandage had shown as Ellie lifted up her arm. "Shit!" she exclaimed.

Paige grabbed Ellie's arm, and pushed up the sleeve. The bandage was stained with dried blood. Paige turned her head.

"I can't believe you did this. Oh my God. I knew you weren't better…Ellie, you need help," Paige said, rubbing her head frantically.

"No!" Ellie called out. "I don't need help."

"You need something, Ellie!" Paige said.

For the second time today, Ellie found tears streaming down her pale face.

"Ellie, don't cry," Paige said, taking a deep breath. "Don't cry. It'll be okay." She wasn't sure what to say. This was the first time she had ever been put in this situation. She did the only thing she could think of; she wrapped her arms around Ellie and embraced her in a hug.

Ellie was embarrassed, angry, and she had been living in denial too long. She looked up at Paige. "I do need help," she cried, then buried her face in her shoulder.

"It's okay, hon, it's okay. I'll help you. Jimmy will help you, Spinner will help you," she reassured her and then let her cry.

* * *

**A/N:** Aww, a nice friendship chapter. I said this was going to be over soon, but I might branch it out a little longer. yay!...er. okay. Review, please! 


	23. It Will Be Alright

**Chapter 23- **It Will Be Alright

"I'm home!" Ellie called, as she closed the front door behind her.

There was no response. She walked upstairs to her room, and threw down the shopping bags. Paige had taken her out last minute shopping for a dress for the Spring Fling. She insisted that even if she was not going with Jimmy, she was going to come and have a good time anyone. Ellie was extremely reluctant, but agreed anyways. After doing that, she headed for her parents' bedroom.

"Mom? Dad?" she said, pushing the door open slightly. She caught sight of her mother lying on the bed, asleep. She looked around quickly, and much to her surprise, she didn't see one alcohol bottle in the room.

"Mom, are you awake?" she asked gently, tiptoeing over to the bed.

"Eleanor, is that you?" her mother groggily responded, rolling over and rubbing her eyes.

"Yes, mom. Are you alright?" Ellie asked, concerned.

"Come here, baby, we need to talk." She patted the space next to her.

Ellie was taken aback. Her mother hadn't acted this way toward her in a long time. Ellie hesitantly crawled onto the bed, and listened as she spoke.

"I have something to talk to you about," she began.

"What is it?" Ellie asked.

"Things are going to be a lot different now. I'm going…" she took a deep breath. "I'm going to get help, Ellie."

"What?" Ellie gasped.

"I'm going into rehab. I can't afford to lose your father…or you."

Ellie's entire face lit up. "Are you serious? That's…wow…that's wonderful!"

"I've been so selfish these past few months and it's not fair—"

"It's okay, mom," Ellie said, putting an arm around her mom. "It's okay."

"No it's not," she said, shaking her head."

"It doesn't matter. Things are getting better now, that's all that matters."

She leaned down and kissed her daughter on the forehead. "You're right…you're right."

-------

This was it. It was finally the big day. The day he had waited for, for what seemed like months. And it had all been a huge bust.

JT slumped down in his chair in homeroom, avoiding eye contact with anyone and anything but the desk that sat in front of him. He knew that today was going to be torture; people talking about their dates, how much fun they were going to have.

He knew he wasn't going to have any fun. Because he wasn't going. Not anymore.

He stared at the doorway after noting that _she _wasn't in class. As if on cue, Manny came into focus. She was standing in the hallway, holding hands with Craig. JT's face turned into a scowl, yet he didn't look away from the two.

"Could you be anymore obvious?" he heard moments later. A slender figure leaned over the table, resting next to him.

"What are you talking about, Emma?" he demanded, playing dumb.

"You need to get over her," she said all-knowingly. "She and Craig are together now." He voice wasn't rude or harsh, but gentle and calm.

He sighed loudly. "It's just not fair, Emma."

She patted his arm. "I know. But you can't be selfish. Just let her go."

The bell rang just then, and Emma made her way to her seat. Liberty, who was conversing with Ms. Hatzilakos, came over and sat down in her seat next to him.

"Don't look so sad," she greeted.

"Not in the mood, Van Zandt," he mumbled.

"Sorry," she said, shutting up. "I was just-"

"It's okay, Liberty," he said, feeling a tad bit guilty for snapping at her. "Just having a bad life, no big deal."

"Don't let Manny control you, JT. She's just a girl," Liberty advised.

_Yeah, a girl who I liked a lot, who used me, who made me feel like shit. _"You wouldn't understand."

She sighed. "You have no idea, JT. No idea."

He looked at her. "What is that supposed to mean?"

He hated the way she confused him.

"Nothing," she said quickly. "Nothing. You'll live, JT. Manny isn't worth it, really."

He said nothing.

"Are you still going to Spring Fling?" she asked.

"What would be the point?"

"Just to have fun. I mean, you do have other friends. You don't need a date.'

"I'm guessing you're going," he stated.

She shrugged. "I might. Just come. You might actually have fun. You could get your mind off of Manny. It might be worth it."

----

"Okay, I think all the teachers are making it, like, a point to give us as much homework as possible this weekend to destroy our Spring Fling fun," Paige whined as she, Ellie, and Spinner headed for history. "I mean, really, Kwan has us reading an ENTIRE act from that _stupid _play…ugh, she is going to be the death of me!"

"Paige, take a breather!" Ellie said.

They pushed pass crowds of people lingering in the hallway. The next person they all caught sight of was Jimmy. Ellie was ready to turn and take the long way to class, but Paige stopped her.

"You can't avoid him, hon. It will just make things worse," she said.

"I'll take my chances," she replied, as she turned to leave. But this time Spinner stopped her.

"Did you do what I asked you too, Ellie?" he said.

"Talk to him? No, sorry, must have slipped my mind," she said hurriedly.

Spinner gave her a disappointed look. "Then, go! Now."

She hesitated. "Nope, going to be late for class. Sorry."

Paige and Spinner exchanged looks, as Ellie made her escape. They didn't see her again until lunch.

"That was so fifth grade, hon," Paige commented, as they walked down the hallway together.

Ellie adjusted the black bag that rested on her shoulder. "Whatever."

As they headed for the cafeteria, they passed by Ms. Suave's office. Ellie peered into the room, seeing Ms. Suave at her desk, going over some papers. Ellie tried to ignore the feeling that was settling in her stomach. It was pointless.

"Ellie? Are you alright?" Paige asked. She must have been spacing out.

"You go to lunch, Paige, I've got something to do." Paige gave her a strange look, but Ellie ignored it and knocked on Ms. Suave's door.

"Ellie," Ms. Suave said, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

* * *

**A/N: **dun dun dun! Chapter 23 completed. Woo hoo. I'm not sure how many more chapters there are going to be, you'll just have to wait and see! Reviews are always, always welcome! 


	24. Always Enough Time

**Chapter 24- **Always Enough Time

She knew this was what she had to do. If her mother was going to get better, she needed to get better, too. She wasn't going to let her cutting control her anymore. She was going to get help.

"Ellie, come in, sit down," Ms. Suave had said.

Ellie sat, as she asked what was wrong.

Ellie took a deep breath. "I want…I want to come back and have sessions with you again."

"What made you change your mind?"

"Things at home are getting back to normal. I want to be okay again," Ellie explained. "Can you help me?"

"I can try. But why did you realize this just now?"

"I…I think that I just needed someone to show me that things can be good. My mom's going into rehab. She wants to get better. So do I. If she's strong enough to get help, I can be too."

"That's very wise," Ms. Suave commented. "But…what if things don't get any better, Ellie? Will you still be willing to get help, then?"

Ms. Suave's words hit her. Hard. She hadn't thought of that. What if her mother quit? What if her mother didn't succeed? What if she ended up chugging down her alcohol, leaving Ellie another mess to clean up and making her father leave?

"I…I hadn't even thought of it…"

"There's always another side to things, Ellie. If you want to truly get help, you need to stick with it. You need to do this for you, and not for your friends or family. Do you think you can do that?" Ms. Suave asked.

Ellie took a moment to think. Was she ready for this? Was she ready to give up her life of razor blades, scissors, and physical torment?

The question was a no-brainer for Ellie.

"Yeah," she replied. "Yeah, I can do it."

It was like a thousand bricks had been lifted from her soul. She had never felt this good about making a decision.

------

"Lunch is almost over. Where is Ellie?" Paige asked, searching the cafeteria.

"Maybe she's still talking to Ms. Suave. You'll see her later," Spinner said before shoveling a spoonful of macaroni into his mouth.

Jimmy sat sullenly opposite of Paige. She had noticed this the second she had sat down.

"She'll come around eventually," she said softly. "Just let her, you know, regroup."

Jimmy looked up at her, disgust plaguing his face. "Whose side are you on, Paige?"

He knew, though, that this wasn't about taking sides. It never was. It was about what he felt for Ellie and what she felt for him. Paige knew that as well.

"Did you ever expect this to be easy? This is Ellie Nash we're talking about. She's not really the queen of simplicity." She said these words gently, unintended to offend anybody.

He just shrugged. What was he supposed to say? He knew that Paige was right.

"I'm not going to apologize for this, Paige," he said firmly.

"And no one wants you to!" she exclaimed. "In some weird, twisted way, you two go together. Just give her some space. She hasn't erased all of her feelings for you. She's just confused."

Jimmy took in her words slowly. "Yeah, I guess-"

"DUDE! Look what I can do with my macaroni!"

They both turned to look at Spinner, who was making an army of noodles out of his macaroni. "DUDE! Look at that!"

A wave of giggles exploded from Paige. Normally, she'd be grossed out by his antics, but she was just glad for an icebreaker, and happily accepted the interruption so gracefully caused by her 'honeybee'.

Seconds later, Ellie came into the cafeteria. Paige only recognized her entrance because of the chunky combat boots that covered her feet. She trudged over to the group as Paige made room for her at the table. She sat down, and Paige noticed Jimmy tense up.

"Where were you, hon? You took, like, the whole lunch period," Paige commented.

Ellie looked a bit startled. "I was just…I had somewhere to go. I'll tell you about it later."

Her eyes met with Jimmy's. None of them spoke, until Ellie broke the silence.

"Hey, Jimmy," she said meekly, as Paige gazed at the pair. He nodded his hello, and Ellie shrunk down a bit.

"So…" Paige started. "You're coming home with me today, right?"

"Why?" Ellie asked stupidly.

"Spring Fling, hello. We can stop by your house and get your dress, and then we can head to my place and get ready," she explained.

"Oh…right. Sure, sounds like a plan."

"You're really out of it today, hon."

Ellie shrugged. "I'm going to see if I can get something to eat real quick before lunch is over. I'll be back."

She got up and left. Paige looked over sympathetically at Jimmy.

"She can't even act normal around me," he said sadly.

------

_The first step to getting help, is admitting you have a problem. _

Oh, how Ellie had heard those words so many times before, but never did they mean anything until now. Ms. Suave wanted her to make a list. She wanted her to make a list of all the reasons she started to cut and why she wanted to stop. They would go over the list during their next session.

Ms. Suave had also asked Ellie to think about something else.

Letting her parents know about her problem.

She couldn't even begin to imagine the looks that would distort their faces if she told them. It was hard enough letting everyone else know. Ms. Suave hadn't told her she _had _to tell them, though. She said to think about it.

And, oh, Ellie had been thinking about it. A lot. Well, at least ever since she left the guidance office. She'd been a space case during lunch and when she got to her Creative Writing class, she was totally out of it.

"Ellie, are you with us?" the teacher had said, snapping her out of her daydream.

"What? Yeah, I'm good," she said, regaining composure.

"As I was saying," the teacher growled. "Your poetry portfolios are due…"

She tuned out after that.

-----

"Okay, so not fair. I have homework in ALL of my classes this weekend and you get away with _that _much homework? I hate you," Paige teased, as she and Ellie climbed into the Michalchuk mini-van and pulled out of the parking lot.

"Color me lucky," Ellie said with a smile.

As Paige drove, Ellie messed with the radio. She finally found a station she liked, and Paige turned her nose up at the music.

"This isn't music, this is noise!" she exclaimed, as some heavy metal band blasted through the speakers.

"Chill out, Barbie, it's almost over," Ellie joked, reclining her seat.

"So you are you excited for the dance?" Paige said with a squeal. "You're dress is hot. Jimmy will love it."

Ellie sighed. "I don't even want to think about him right now."

She began to explain the events that had happened throughout the day, starting with her mother going into rehab, and ending with the news that Ellie might eventually have to tell her parents.

"Ellie! This is so awesome! I'm so happy for you!" she cried, stopping at a red light.

"I just don't know…"

"You don't know what? This is what you've been waiting for, El!"

"I just wish I had _someone _to…you know…talk to this about."

Paige didn't take this as an insult at all. Many times had she felt the same exact way. "You mean Jimmy, right?"

"No," she said, looking down at her hands. "Not really…no...I guess."

She smacked her head against the window.

"Cheer up, El, there's always time to fix things," Paige said wisely.

"Yeah, right. I blew it."

They pulled up into Ellie's driveway, and Ellie quickly got out of the car. "Give me two seconds," she told Paige and ran inside her house.

She hurried to her room, and grabbed the bag, still lying in the exact same spot she had put it last night. She grabbed that bag, her tiny box of jewelry and headed downstairs. She ran into her dad on the way, who asked what she was doing.

"Tonight's the Spring Fling. I'm going to Paige's."

"That's tonight?" he asked, suddenly feeling very behind.

She nodded. "I'm sorry I couldn't get ready here..."

He stopped her before she could go on. "I think it is best if you go to your friend's house instead. Go on, have fun," he said, and kissed her forehead.

"Thanks, dad," she smiled, and ran out the door.

**

* * *

A/N:** You awesome reviewers inspired me to finish this today and get it posted. I'm saying at least 2- 3 more chapters, if not more. Huge, huge thank you to everyone who's reviewed! Reviews, as always, are much appreciated. 


	25. Help Yourself

**Chapter 25-** Help Yourself

"I refuse to put that stuff on my face," Ellie said disgustedly, as she watched over Paige's shoulder as they stood in the bathroom.

"It's a mask, hon. It's totally good for your skin," she replied, dabbing green gook onto her face. A towel was wrapped around her head and she had thrown on a pair of sweatpants and tank top after her shower.

Ellie took the jar from Paige. She sniffed it.

"Oh, that's just gross!" she exclaimed, thrusting the jar back at her.

Paige rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You'll regret it when you're old and gray, covered in thousands of wrinkled and have the worst skin ever…"

"Maybe I will, maybe I won't," she sang, and left the bathroom.

She flopped onto Paige's bed. Light poured from the two windows which were left of Ellie. She sighed, and looked around the room. It was a large room, full of pictures, cheers awards and trophies, and random posters spread on her wall. The carpeting was a pink rose color, while the rest of the room was colored in soft pinks and beiges. It hardly looked like it was lived in. There were a pile of magazines by the closet, so Ellie made her way over there. She flipped through the stack. A bunch of teen mags with things like 'Want to know if that someone special likes you? TAKE OUR QUIZ!' or 'Ten Sure Fire Ways to Be a Better Kisser!'

Ellie immediately placed the magazines back. She opened the closet and saw that it was jam-packed full of clothes. Paige's Spring Fling dress was hanging on the inside of the door. It was a deep blue, and strapless. It had subtle sparkles, and fitted her figure snugly. Ellie knew this because Paige had tried it on only a dozen times before making a decision in the store. Ellie had tried hers on once. And wasn't even that excited about putting it on again.

Paige came trotting out of the bathroom, and heaved a dramatic sigh. "I love dances," she said. She noticed Ellie at her closet. "Ooh, hand me my dress. We should probably get ready anyway. You can take bathroom, and I'll change here. I'll knock when I'm done."

Ellie grabbed her stuff, and headed for the bathroom that connected to Paige's bedroom. She locked the door, and then pulled out her dress. The dress was black and sleek. The straps were thin and the front went straight across her chest. It cut off in a slant to her ankles, ruffling as the material got longer. She had gotten a sheer long-sleeved cover to mask her shoulders and arms. It tied in the front just where her abdomen began.

After working herself into her dress, she pulled out the makeup she had brought along. She applied her usual black eyeliner and a dab of black and gray eye shadow. A sheer coat of pink went across her lips, and once she twisted the cap, she slipped on a silver chain to go around her neck and waited for Paige's knock.

Eventually, she knocked, and both she and Ellie were blown away by how each other looked.

"I knew it would look perfect!" Paige gushed. "Let me do your hair, please?" she offered.

Ellie gave in. "I guess."

Paige heated up the curling iron, and before Ellie knew it her red locks were done in very loose curls, the front pieces held back with bobby pins.

"Beautiful," Paige said, admiring her work.

She then got to work on herself, and soon enough both girls were ready.

"I'd say we look amazing!" Paige said as they stared at themselves in a mirror.

"You're right, Paige. You're actually right."

Ellie looked as she normally did, just a bit more glammed up, so to speak. She had to admit, she liked it. The girls slipped on their shoes, and after Mrs. Michalchuk took pictures, they girls headed for the dance.

---

When they entered the gym, they were both blown away by how nice it looked.

"I knew the girls on the committee would do an awesome job," Paige complimented, looking around in awe.

"Wow, Paige, flattering words? That's a step up. You're on your way to becoming a new person," Ellie remarked. Paige whacked her across the shoulder.

Ellie did a quick scan for Jimmy as Paige looked for Spinner. She knew it was ridiculous to search for him, it would just make her heart ache some more.

"Paige, what am I doing here?" Ellie asked, rubbing her forehead. "This was waste of time."

"There they are!" she exclaimed, and dragged Ellie over to the table that Jimmy and Spinner and…_Hazel _were sitting at.

Instinctively, Ellie narrowed her eyes and glared at the chocolate skinned girl, whose smile was a mile wide. She hated to admit it, but Hazel looked good. It made Ellie hate her even more.

"Hey, guys," Paige greeted. Spinner came over and gave her a hello kiss. Her grin grew wider.

"Hey," Hazel mumbled casually, picking up the drink on the table and sipping it.

Ellie said nothing. She looked over at Jimmy. He was looking to his right, seemingly unaware of her presence.

"So," Hazel said after a few seconds. She hadn't directed this towards the crowd, though. Nope. She was going after Jimmy. "Do you want to dance?"

Paige sent a look to Ellie, who shrugged helplessly. "Actually," she piped up, "I really, really need a word with Jimmy for a sec. You don't mind, Hazel?"

"What if I mind?" Jimmy said and Ellie's heart sunk.

"Sorry, hon, don't care," she replied, and grabbed Jimmy's arm. "Ellie, I'm leaving my Honeybee in your hands, but no funny business, I know everything," she said with a wink and dragged Jimmy off.

Ellie's eyes were wide. What was Paige going to do? She knew she had a plan, Paige always did. Her insides bounced around when Spinner finally said, "Come on, let's dance."

"I don't dance," Ellie said firmly.

"And what do you think this is, Taco Bell? You have to dance," he said sarcastically, and led her on the dance floor.

An angry Hazel sat at the table, alone.

------

"What do you want, Paige? Can't you see that I'm trying to have some fun?" Jimmy snapped, as they stood in the school's hallway.

"Hazel is your idea of fun?" Paige replied.

"Look, I've given Ellie all the chances in the world. She doesn't care, so why should I?" he demanded.

"She _does _care! Are you blind?" she said, her voice rising.

"What do you want me to do, Paige?"

He threw his hands up. He was surrendering.

"I want you to go in there and talk to her!" she cried.

He was silent. She smacked her hand against her forehead. "I don't even know why I bother. If you want to ruin this _fine, _but don't ruin my evening as well."

Turning on her heel, she marched back into the gym.

-----

Ellie saw Paige walk through the doors and she ran over to her with Spinner. Paige noticed that Ellie appeared to be…having fun. She was leaning onto Spinner, laughing.

"Oh my gosh, I need to sit down," she sighed. "Paige, your boyfriend is hilarious. And get this—I danced!" she laughed crazily and Paige wondered for a moment if she was drunk.

"El, you're scaring me," Paige said with a slight laugh.

"Sorry," Ellie said. "I didn't these things were that much fun. But here—" she pushed Spinner closer to Paige. "—you can have your boyfriend back."

"It's about time!" she said, taking Spinner by the hand.

"Did you talk to Jimmy?" Ellie asked curiously, as the song changed. Every whooped and hollered, while she and Paige and Spinner made their way to the sidelines.

Paige looked slightly annoyed. "I've tried, El. You should go talk to him yourself. Come on, Honeybee, let's dance."

"Paige! Don't leave—"

But it was too late. Paige was already on the dance floor. She groaned angrily, and then scanned the gym.

* * *

**A/N:** Ew, I didn't really like this chapter. It's just…blah. Oh well. Hope you all like it. Reviews are much appreciated. A big thanks to everyone who takes the time to review. 


	26. Falling Into Place

**Chapter 26- **Falling Into Place

The music blared through the speakers in the gym and students bounced around happily, enjoying there time; making memories. Liberty pushed through a pile of people, making her way to the table Emma and Manny sat at.

"Emma, Manny," she said with a smile.

"Hey, Liberty, you look great," Emma said.

Manny nodded her head in agreement. Liberty had chosen a red, swishy dress with thicker straps that formed a V shape in the front. It went down past her knees, but not past her ankles. Her hair was tied up in a bun, strands framing her face.

"Thanks," she said. "You guys look amazing as well."

Seconds later, they were interrupted by JT and Toby who came up and threw themselves in the chairs.

"No luck with the ladies?" Emma teased.

"Don't ask," Toby relied, as JT made eye contact with the floor, and the floor only.

"Poor baby," she said, standing up and taking his arm. "Come on, _I'll _dance with you, then." She dragged him to the dance floor, and Liberty took Emma's seat.

"I thought Craig was your date?" Liberty said, looking over at Manny.

She sighed. "He ran off with Marco and Spinner. He said he'd be right back."

At this point, JT had stood up from his seat and mumbled, "Bathroom."

Liberty glanced at Manny. She shrugged.

"He's pathetic," Liberty commented and Manny laughed. They talked for a bit longer and Manny noticed how much more relaxed Liberty seemed here. To the average person, she looked the same, but she was much more…vibrant.

Craig came up to the pair in midst of conversation. Manny was in mid sentence when Liberty nudged her and nodded her head over to him. Her face lit up as she exclaimed, "Craig!"

She stood up to hug him and said, "I thought you had died!"

"Let me make it up to you. May I have this dance?" he asked.

"Of course," she said with a bright smile, as he took her hand.

-----

Ellie was tired of this stupid dance. She wanted to go home, _anywhere. _Paige and Spinner and run off to the dance floor and left her alone. Marco had come up to talk to her for a few minutes, and then was dragged off by some other friends. She sat, chugging her drink, until she felt someone's eyes rest upon her.

"Ellie."

"Aren't you supposed to be off dancing with Hazel?" she snapped softly, staring at Jimmy's shoes.

"I don't know what to do to make you happy," he stated.

She looked up at him expectantly. "Told you I was a complex person," she laughed hollowly.

"Be serious, Ellie," he said, no humor in his voice.

"I am."

"What do you want, Ellie?"

She crinkled her eyebrows. "You came over here to talk to me first," she said, confused.

"No, I mean what do you want from _me_? I'm sick of these games, Ellie," he told her honestly.

She stood up.

"You want to know what I want, Jimmy?" she said, pain in her eyes. "I want world peace, I want my problems to go away, hell, I want that new skirt I saw in the window of the mall when I went shopping with Paige for this stupid dress! But most of all, do you know what I want?" she exclaimed, feeling hot tears forming in her eyes.

He didn't comment about her outburst. He let her speak. "What?" he asked.

She stepped towards him. Wrapping her arms around him, she spoke. "I want you. I want you to not hate me, I want you to listen to me, I want you to forgive me, I want _you_," she said, her voice more calm.

"Let's get out of here," he said, holding her close as they exited the gym.

-----

"Toby and Emma have been dancing all night," JT said, handing a drink to Liberty across the table and wiggling his eyes suggestively.

"You don't think…?" she said. "No way. Emma and Toby?"

"What a couple they'd make, eh?"

She smiled. "I haven't seen you out there dancing," she commented.

He shrugged. "Dancing isn't my forte," he answered.

She raised her eyebrows. "Uh-huh."

"Ah, my feet hurt!" Emma exclaimed as she ran up towards JT and Liberty. As she spoke, the song changed, the beat soft and slow.

"You guys have been dancing forever," Liberty commented.

"Yeah," Emma said, "but I think it's time to switch it up. JT?"

He groaned and took her hand. Toby did the same with Liberty.

Emma wrapped her arms around JT's neck, as he placed his hands around her waist.

"You should ask her to dance," she said wisely.

"Who?" he asked.

"Liberty!" she said. "It's so obvious."

"What's obvious?" he demanded.

"You two have…chemistry."

He laughed. "Right."

"You poke fun at me and Toby for dancing practically the whole night when you and Liberty have been sitting in those two seats talking the whole time."

"Yeah, right."

"You're in denial!" she exclaimed. "Besides, maybe while you and Liberty were making fun of us, Toby and I were making fun of how oblivious you two are."

"She's _Liberty_, Emma. Are you insane?"

"No, but you are," she replied simply.

"What?"

"Liberty looks really good tonight. She's a good person, and you're insane if you're wasting your time grieving over Manny and not going after a girl who _will _be there for you and accept you," Emma said sincerely.

When she didn't hear a response, she added, "Okay, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you don't like her. Sorry for interfering."

"Emma," he said.

"What?"

"You're the queen of interference."

She laughed. "That may be true, but it doesn't erase the situation. So, after this song you ask her to dance."

"Not happening, Em."

"Fine," she said. She held onto JT and danced over to where Toby and Liberty were. "Switch?" she asked the pair, and Toby and Liberty broke apart, switching partners.

JT glared at Emma, who winked in response. He was then well aware of how close he was to Liberty, and how her arms felt against his shoulders.

"JT, are you alright?" she asked.

"Yeah, fine."

"This is…awkward," she said, looking at him.

"You read my mind."

"I'll get Emma to switch back, you can dance with her," she told him. "Since, you know, I'd be such a bore." She said it in a joking manner, not intended for the reaction he gave.

"I'm sorry about that, Liberty," he apologized.

She shrugged. "No hard feelings."

"I've been really mean to you," he admitted.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Yeah, you have. When did you realize this?"

"Over the past couple of days," he said honestly. "And Emma sort of helped me realize it tonight."

"Why?" she asked curiously. "What did Emma say?"

"That I'm insane," he replied.

She stared at him. "Meaning…?"

"Meaning I've been stupid. I've been in denial. And I don't care if anyone sees us," he said simply.

She was confused, yet blown away at the same time. "Do you mean—"

Before she knew it his lips fell onto hers and she was kissing JT Yorke.

She was kissing JT Yorke. This was the real deal. And she never wanted to let go.

**A/N:** Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I'd love reviews. Thanks to everyone who takes the time to review. It really makes me happy. :) I had fun with this chapter and I'm starting the next one ASAP.


	27. Beautiful Thing Love Is

**Chapter 27- **Beautiful Thing Love Is

She didn't ask questions. She just followed him as led the way to the car. It was a chilly night, and Ellie was shaking from that and the tears that had made their way down her face.

"Get in," he said calmly, as he opened the door for her.

"Where are we going?" she asked finally, wiping her eyes, but getting in.

"My place. It's obvious neither of us wanted to be in that gym," he said, hopping in the car and starting it.

"But what about Paige? All my stuff is there. She's supposed to be my ride," she said.

"You can get it later," he told her and began the drive to his house.

Ellie flipped on the radio and reclined her seat. She knew no words were going to be exchanged during the drive.

They walked through the apartment door almost twenty minutes later. Jimmy ripped his tie off and threw it on the floor. Ellie walked in behind him, a sad look upon her face.

"I don't know what to say," she said.

"Ellie, what's going on with you?" he asked.

"I…I'm getting help," she said, as if that explained everything. "For…m-my cutting. And my mom's getting help with her problem! And I acted dumb. And I'm sorry. I should have listened to you…and to Paige…and everyone."

He didn't say anything for about a minute. "You're getting help?"

She smiled. "Yeah, I am."

"No matter what?"

She took in a breath. "No matter what."

He grabbed her hands and pulled her close to her. "I'm happy for you, Ellie," he whispered. "Just don't push us away. We love you, Ellie."

Her heart was pounding and her breath caught in her throat. "And I love you guys, too. I'm sorry for acting rash. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It doesn't matter," he said soothingly. He looked down at her. Her eyes were closed as she clung to him. She was taking in the moment.

He lifted her face up and kissed her.

"I don't want to go home," she mumbled.

He laughed. "You have to. Believe it or not, my parents do come home."

She frowned. "Ten more minutes?" she pleaded.

He kissed her head. "Ten more minutes."

-----

"_That _was so much fun," Emma stated, as she, Toby, Liberty, and JT filed out of Degrassi. "I had _no _idea you could dance like that, Liberty."

Liberty grinned. "Oh the secrets we hide." She glanced over at JT, who had his hand entwined with hers.

"Agreed," JT answered, squeezing her hand.

Emma cast a quick look at the two, and nudged Toby.

"What?" he said.

"I think I see Manny. Let's go, um, talk to her. Yeah. See you Monday, you two," she said, and dragged Toby down the sidewalk.

JT and Liberty laughed.

"Could they be anymore obvious?" Liberty asked.

"Well, this _was _an unexpected night," he stated.

"That it was," she agreed. Her face grew more serious. "So you don't mind, you know, people seeing us? Just us in general?"

"Liberty," he said coolly. He leaned in and kissed her for the second time that night. "Breathe."

She laughed and took his hand. She didn't ask anymore questions.

----

"Ellie, where are you?" an angry Paige demanded.

Ellie clutched the cell phone to her ear. "Jimmy's."

Paige's tone suddenly softened. "Want me to come get you?"

"No. But I guess it would be best."

"Yeah. Wouldn't want you two lovebirds to get carried away now," Paige teased.

"Shut up."

"I'll be there in a little while. Give you and Jimmy some time. You deserve it."

"Thanks," Ellie said and hung up. When she looked around, she'd noticed that Jimmy was gone. She called for him, and got a muffled response. She found the way to his bedroom, and knocked on the closed door. It opened a second later.

"Thanks for telling me where you went," Ellie remarked, pretending to be hurt. She stepped inside his room.

"Sorry, I had to change," he replied. She noticed that he was now in a pair of basketball shorts and a shirt.

"Looks more comfortable," she noted, and looked around his room. There were posters of basketball guys everywhere, pictures of his friends, Ellie included, his closet was half-open and there were clothes piled on the floor.

Jimmy stood up and walked over to his dresser. He grabbed a black shirt and a pair of shorts and handed them to her. She stared at him.

"I know you're probably dying in that dress. Even if you do look cute," he said.

She grinned. "Thanks. Now get out so I can change!"

He hung his head. "And I thought tonight was my lucky night."

"Let's take it one step at a time, James," she snickered, and pointed at the door. He reluctantly exited.

She changed and then stood on his bed, looking at herself through the mirror that stood in front of her.

"Okay, this look so does not work for me!" she called, and saw Jimmy come through the door. Her head was tilted to the side and she was hiking up the shorts. He laughed and hopped onto the bed, standing next to her.

"It works," he said.

"These shorts are practically falling off!" she exclaimed.

"Like I said, it works."

She smacked him playfully and rolled her eyes. He grabbed her hand and kissed it. She smiled and wrapped her arms around him.

He kissed her and she commented, "You know, we _are _standing on a bed."

"Then let's," he began, and flopped down on the bed, "sit."

She sat next to him and rested her head on his shoulder. "Tonight was amazing."

"And there will be plenty more amazing nights to follow," he answered and put his arm around her.

"I hope so," she replied, closing her eyes. "I hope so."

She felt herself drifting off, but a loud knock at the door interrupted her.

"No, go away," Ellie moaned, as Jimmy laughed and stood up.

"It's probably Paige," he told her, leaving the room.

"Tell her to leave us alone!" Ellie called. Slowly, she got up herself and made her way to the front door.

As they had both assumed, Paige stood before them in a pair of jeans and a tank top.

"You ditched the dress, too, I see," Paige said, smirking at Ellie's wardrobe.

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Don't you have somewhere to be?" she said teasingly.

"Yeah, here. What a coincidence!" Paige replied. "Come on, let's go. Spinner's waiting in the car."

"Oh, God, no," Ellie said, grabbing Jimmy's arm. "Don't make me go!"

Paige laughed. "Kidding. Get your stuff, let's go."

"Yes, _mom_," she said, and headed for the bedroom, taking Jimmy along with her. She took her dress, shoes, and purse and looked up at Jimmy.

"I guess this is goodbye," she said dramatically.

He kissed her quickly. "We'll be in touch."

She laughed. "After all this, we better."

"I love you, Ellie," he said.

She froze, and glanced up at him. "I-I love you, too."


	28. Closure

**Chapter Twenty Eight- **Closure

"And how are things at home now, Ellie?" Ms. Suave asked, as she sat across from her in the tiny office two weeks later.

Ellie looked Ms. Suave straight in the eye when she answered. "My mom hasn't missed a rehab session yet. Dad's decided to give mom another chance, but I know he's ready to walk. It's immature and selfish, not supporting people you love—especially family. It's hard talking to my mom about what's happened in the past months. I think we're both trying to forget about, which I know isn't always the answer."

Ms. Suave smiled at Ellie in admiration. "Very good. You're really coming along, Ellie. I'm glad to see such progress."

"The first step is admitting you need help," Ellie recited with a smile. "And I'm glad I'm here."

The smile on Ms. Suave's face didn't fade. "Well, I guess this ends our session for today. You can head on to class and I'll see you next week, correct?"

Ellie nodded. "Can't wait," she replied and walked out of the room.

She met Jimmy down the hall and they kissed their hellos. He took her hand in his and they headed to their next class together. Ellie spotted Paige hanging outside the door of the classroom, talking to Hazel, and Ellie told Jimmy she'd meet him in class and headed over to Paige. Hazel glared devilishly at Ellie and simply walked away.

"What was that about?" Ellie questioned.

Paige rolled her eyes dismissively. "Hazel being a jealous hag. Nothing new. So, tell me, how'd your meeting with Suave go?"

"It gets easier each time," Ellie answered honestly.

Paige smiled and wrapped her friend into a warm hug. "I knew you could do it, El."

"Yeah," Ellie replied, talking to herself mostly, "you always believed I could do it."

"Come on, we're going to be late for class," Paige commented, and made her way into the room, but Ellie stopped her.

"You've come through for me so much, Paige. Just…thanks for accepting me."

Paige looked touched. "Hon, if anything you helped me. You opened my eyes, mad me realize things I never would have otherwise."

Ellie looked at Paige, never in her lifetime expecting those words to come from her mouth.

----

Ellie came home hat afternoon feeling refreshed and better that she ever had when it came to school. She had one full day that didn't immediately think of taking a razor to her arm. She knew things were going to get better. Things were already better. She was still riding the rollercoaster of life, but she didn't feel like she was going to barf from all of the ups and downs. Not anymore.

* * *

A/N: The end. I really tired to pan this out and make it a usual chapter length, but I just couldn't. There was no JT/Liberty stuff, mainly just because there wasn't anything left to say. I'd love to continue this forever and ever but it was time for me to cut it off. Than you so much to all the reviewers! 200 reviews is awesome! I've already started working on a new fic. It's not titled yet, but it's Paige-centric and I'm really getting into it. Thanks again and I hope you all continue to read my writing! 


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